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Our Muse, Walter Tevis

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In the hallowed halls of competitive, individual, indoor sports, the name Walter Tevis should be engraved and canonized.  Mr. Tevis, who died 36 years ago, was an American novelist and short story writer.  And while his corpus was limited with just six novels, the adaptations of half of those novels into movies have had profound cultural and economic impact on the sports he described.

Mr. Tevis first became famous in 1961 when his novel, The Hustler, published two years prior, became the basis for the award-winning film of the same name. The movie The Hustler not only amassed glorious critical reviews, but also resuscitated the billiard industry. Interest and participation in the sport skyrocketed. Allegedly, the number of pool rooms shot up from 4,000 to 19,000 in just five years; organized billiards boomed; and television sports first began to cover straight pool matches.[1]

That kind of impact was unprecedented, but it turned out not to be unique. Fast-forward 23 years and Mr. Tevis’ sixth novel, The Color of Money, a sequel to The Hustler, was adapted into a movie of the same name by director Martin Scorsese in 1986.  And, once again, the billiards industry got its jump-start, albeit not at the same exponential level. Sales of pool tables and cue sticks rose.  According to global research firm A.C. Nielson, the number of players increased from 30 million to 35 million, and the sport attracted a more upscale demographic.[2]

However, it was Mr. Tevis’ posthumous third act – the adaptation of his 1983 novel The Queen’s Gambit into a seven-episode mini-series of the same name on Netflix in 2020 – that broke all the records. This time, it was not for billiards, but for another sport that is more sedentary, more dilatory, and more cerebral.  That sport was chess.

Sixty two million households watched The Queen’s Gambit in its first 28 days, making it Netflix’s most watched limited series. Google search queries for “how to play chess” hit a nine-year all-time high. Inquiries for “chess set” increased 250% on eBay. US sales of chess sets increased 125%. New players on Chess.com increased five-fold.[3]  Unsurprisingly, Mr. Tevis’ novel is now a New York Times bestseller…37 years after its initial publication!

Certainly, The Queen’s Gambit is not the first film about chess. As my brother, David Moss, has well documented on his website devoted to chess movies, the game has attracted moviegoers since Robert Paul created A Chess Dispute in 1903. Over the past century, prominent directors and actors have attached their names to chess films, from Ingmar Bergman (The Seventh Seal) and Catherine Deneuve (The Chess Game) to Samuel L. Jackson (Fresh) and Ben Kingsley (Searching for Bobby Fischer).

Yet, none of those movies remotely had an impact on the industry as comparable to The Queen’s Gambit. Why did this show about an orphaned girl who becomes one of the top chess players in the world, despite her addiction to pills and alcohol, reach number one on Netflix in 63 countries?[4]

One reason is the series respect for the sport of chess. Former world champion Garry Kasparov, a consultant to The Queen’s Gambit, ensured the creators avoided pitfalls of past films, including unrealistic movements and blatant transgressions, such as boards oriented incorrectly. Real matches were often the basis for those in the series. Tension was created, precisely by investing in the nuances of the game, rather than skipping to the flash (the equivalent of the deplorable overreliance on trick shots in billiard films). And, the characters, from the protagonist Beth Harmon to the supporting cast to the Russian nemeses, were complex, not two-dimensional cut-outs.  Of course, it also helped that The Queen’s Gambit was about seven hours in length and released during a pandemic.

I’m thrilled by the success of The Queen’s Gambit, but I can’t help wishing Mr. Tevis’ hat trick had culminated with one more adrenaline shot to the billiards industry. Since The Color of Money, billiards has not fared well on the silver screen, and its popularity among younger players is waning.

The Queen’s Gambit proves you don’t need an A-list actor, an exorbitant budget, a screenplay based on a best seller, or a prolonged marketing campaign to create high-quality viewing. Most important, you don’t need to dumb down the sport or reduce it to stereotypes and caricatures.  If we can avoid these lazy cinematic tropes in future billiards films, that’s a gambit worth taking.

This article was originally written for and printed in BCA Insider (February 1, 2021).

[1]      “Movie is Chalking Up Renewed Interest in Pool,” Los Angeles Times, November 23, 1986.

[2]      “Upscale? Maybe, But Pool’s Pool,” Chicago Tribune, December 1, 1989.

[3]      “From the Queen’s Gambit to a Record-Setting Checkmate,” Netflix, November 23, 2020.

[4]      Ibid.

The Billiards Industry Needs Its Bobby Brady

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In 1966, at the age of just seven years old, a child pool prodigy named Jean Balukas appeared on the popular American panel game show, I’ve Got a Secret.  She befuddled the judges, who were unable to guess her “occupation.” The notion of a bambino billiards player was too outrageous to consider. 

The good news is Balukas was no flash in the pan. She became the youngest inductee into the Billiard Congress of America Hall of Fame, and she is widely considered one of the best players of the twentieth century. 

But, sadly, the judges’ incredulity that someone so young could excel in pool has proven to be eerily prescient. Billiards has struggled to generate interest or gain acceptance among children.  While it’s hard to find recent data, the National Sporting Goods Association’s 2013 study indicated that just 800,000 children (ages 7-11) had picked up a cue stick and they were half as likely to participate in billiards as the national population.  (By comparison, almost five times as many similarly-aged children participate in bowling.) 

With overall billiards participation in historical decline, the sport, tarnished by its pool hustling, barroom underbelly reputation, is in desperate need of new blood. The opportunity to start anew with a younger demographic is tantalizing. But, the question is how? 

The representation of pool in pop culture can move the popularity needle, as billiards cinephiles know well. After the release of The Hustler in 1961, sales of pool equipment skyrocketed and the number of pool halls in the US doubled. Similar spikes in interest occurred after The Color of Money was released in 1986. 

Brady Bunch - The HustlerUnfortunately, to the extent movies and television could ever be a bellwether for tween/teen billiards interest, the cultural pickings are slim.  Perhaps, the most famous child player on TV was Bobby Brady from The Brady Bunch. In “The Hustler” episode, Bobby is a disciple of the sport, practicing constantly, beating his brothers in nine ball, and predicting he will one day become “pool champ of the whole world.” Bobby dreams about pool, shooting while blindfolded and making famous trick shots, such as the six ball “Butterfly.” He even hustles his father’s work colleague out of 256 packs of chewing gum. For a fleeting moment, Bobby could have been his generation’s cultural pool avatar. But that was almost 50 years ago! 

Since that 1974 episode, I have surfaced just five TV episodes or movies that prominently feature kids playing pool.  In 1989, a 10-year old girl, who is actually a robot (!), shows her billiards excellence in “Minnesota Vicki” from Small Wonder. One year later, Stephen Urkel from Family Matters proved his mathematical genius could translate into billiards acumen in “Fast Eddie Winslow.” Then, in the 1996 “Student Court” episode of Saved by the Bell: New Class, high schooler Katie Patterson scored big with her trick shots. Fast forward another eight years and Drake Parker is a pool powerhouse in the “Pool Shark” episode of Drake & Josh. 

While these episodes may have garnered a few snickers, they did not have cultural resonance and certainly none had an impact on children’s billiards habits.  Incredibly, among movies, the landscape is even more barren; the only movie I could find that features a child player is the barely watchable 2020 film Walkaway Joe about a deadbeat dad and his 14-year-old pool-playing son, Dallas.  

In the New Year issue of BCA Insider, Daniel Bastone provided some great, tactical insights about how to appeal to younger customers. But, if billiards is truly going to have a sporting chance of gaining popularity among Generations Z and Alpha, then the industry needs to move beyond miniaturized pool tables or Ewa Laurance doing “how to teach billiards to kids” videos for parents. The sport needs a pop cultural makeover. The sport needs its next Bobby Brady. 

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This article was originally written for and printed in BCA Insider (November 1, 2020). 

Top 8 List of Billiards Players Promoting Products

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For professional athletes, product endorsements and commercial cameos are a part of the game and can translate to big dollars. This past year, tennis star Roger Federer received $86 million in endorsements – almost 12 times his earnings/winnings. Golfer Tiger Woods has raked in more than $1 billion (!!) in endorsements since 1996.[1]

For certain products, the linkage is obvious, such as Nike and Michael Jordan.  In billiards, think of Shane Van Boening and Cuetec Cues.  The affiliation between Florian Kohler and Ozone Billiards is so strong, he seemingly named his “Big O” trick shot after the billiards supply store.

But, on many occasions, the athletic celebrity involvement can feel a bit stretched. Why was racing driver Danica Patrick the best choice for Go Daddy, or why did the Little Tikes toy company tap all-star hoopster LeBron James? And, nothing compares to Pro Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Namath promoting Beautymist panty hose.

Professional billiards players are not immune to this corporate camera-mugging cameo. In the past 40 years, more than a handful of players have extended their personal brand beyond the standard billiard supplies. So, as you think about individuals to tap for endorsements, I present, from worst to best, my Top 8 List of Pro Billiards Players Promoting Products.

  1. Heinz Baked Beans. After watching first a child and then a teenage redhead spoon some beans, the final persona to finish out the carrot-topped trinity of eaters is snooker champion Steve Davis. So high was Mr. Davis’ Q-score in the late ‘80s that he did not even need to shoot billiards in this commercial.  Simply chalking his knife was sufficient.
  1. Cream Silk. In 2018, the Philippines #1 hair brand signed on Shanelle Lorraine to star in their mainstream hair care commercials. The rising star (“billiards champion” is a bit of a stretch), whose looks have attracted more attention than her game, brings “beauty and power,” in the form of loud shots, coupled with ever-flowing hair, to the red-felted table.
  1. Infiniti Q50 Eau Rogue. Expectations were high for Nissan’s luxury hot rod when it premiered at the 2014 Detroit Auto Show. The prototype appeared in a promotional video that pitted racing driver Sebastian Vettel against Pan Xiaoting, who won the 2007 WPA world championship. In the video, Xioting says she achieved the highest speeds of her life. Unfortunately, her involvement was not enough to save the Eau Rogue. It was cancelled the following year.
  1. San Miguel Pale Pilsen. This 2009 commercial may be in Tagalog, but you don’t need to understand it to instantly recognize world billiards champion Efren Reyes, who is joined by a trio of Filipino a-listers (boxer Manny Pacquiao, model Derek Ramsay, and actor/comedian Michael V). Beers, laughs, and a mystery bowl of peanuts follow.
  1. K-Boxing. They are never identified, and no billiards tables or paraphernalia appear in the commercial. But, there they are – world snooker champions Mark Selby and Judd Trump – posing, flexing, and leaping through the air in their K-Boxing attire. The 2012 campaign was part of the Chinese top-tier menswear manufacturer’s rollout of their “Snooker Brand Marketing Season,” which was designed to capitalize on the increasing appeal of snooker across China.
  1. Carling Black Label. In the 1970s and ‘80s, two of the world’s biggest names in snooker were Terry Griffiths and John Spencer. These rivals clashed often, but their most memorable match may have been when Gentleman John accidentally shot a ball into the nuts of the referee. When the “uncompromising” ref crushes the ball with his bare hand, the only solution considered to calm him is the leading lager with a “fuller flavor than any other.”
  1. 2011 Ford Explorer. “Does the rear seat fold flat?” That was the question being asked of the redesigned Ford Explorer. Who better to answer than the “Black Widow” Jeanette Lee, who brought her pool game to the back seat, breaking the balls and making a titillating cue-ball-into-stiletto-shoe combination.
  1. Miller Lite Beer. The grand poobah of this category is Miller Lite, with its 1978 and 1980 commercials starring Steve Mizerak. The original featured the Miz making a series of trick shots, then closing with, “you can work up a real good thirst even when you’re just showing off.” The 1980 follow-up includes a who’s-who of personalities, such as Bubba Smith, Mickey Rooney, and Rodney Dangerfield, all competing against the Miz.  But, he beats them handily, and leaving with actress Lee Meredith on his arm, says snarkily the key to his success is, “practice, practice, practice.”

Whether this list will make you rethink your product endorsement strategy is debatable, but it might make you reach for a Tuborg Gold courtesy of Ray Reardon.

 

This article first appeared in BCA Insider – BCA New Year Edition 2020.

[1]   “The World’s Highest Paid Athletes,” Forbes, June 11, 2019

Top 7 Billiards Tables Not For Sale

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Since 2013, I’ve been blogging about the portrayal of billiards in film and television. In total, I’ve discovered 313 movies, television episodes, short films and web series in which billiards features prominently – and that’s to say nothing about all the scenes with only a passing reference to the sport.

So when the opportunity arose to share my passion with the BCA Insider readership, I jumped at the chance. After all, the more billiards permeates our popular culture, the more people are inclined to play and love and invest in the game.  And, in the hands of creative directors and screenwriters, the sport can become entertaining, metaphoric, a medium for deeper conversations, and a palette to imagine the unexpected.

Take billiards tables, for example.  While there are hundreds of models, they adhere to a shared composition of legs, pockets, bed, cloth, cabinet, apron, rails, and cushions. But, within film and television, the rules are more lenient; tables exist, for better or worse, that we would (or could) never use.  Therefore, in no particular order, I present the Top 7 Billiards Tables from Movies and TV.

7. Get Smart – “Dead Spy Scrawls” (1966). If you were evil international organization KAOS, intent on intercepting US government secret communication, where might you hide your latest “decoding machine”?  As Agent 86 Maxwell Smart deduces, the answer is the belly of a billiards table. Knowing the location, Smart then only needs to pocket four balls simultaneously to serve as the combination to unlock the decoding machine. Can your table do that?

6.  Billy the Kid and the Green Baize Vampire (1987). Not only does this billiards musical reinterpret the showdown between legends Jimmy White and Ray Reardon as a grudge match between an aging vampire and a Cockney named Billy, but it also converts a gorgeous black marble snooker table into a transparent bedtime coffin for the snaggletoothed snooker sensation’s dead father.

5.  Silent Running (1972). In a post-apocalyptic world in which all plant life on Earth is becoming extinct, a group of scientists whittle away the day playing a variation of billiards that includes a computer arm player and a futuristic circular pool table. While the film’s shelf life was limited, its imaginings about circular pool have spawned mathematical debates within online message forums.

4. Goldfinger (1964). Maxwell Smart is not the only agent to encounter an unusual pool table. In Goldfinger, Auric Goldfinger, the arch-nemesis of James Bond, need only flip a switch and the reversible pool table reveals a miniature replica of Fort Knox, his future heist target. Fortunately, this is a different table than the one Goldfinger later straps Bond to, with the intent to laser his nether regions.

3. Hard Knuckle (1982). Imagine a dystopian world where one botched billiards shot means having to sever the top third of one’s finger. That’s the practical purpose of the “Knuckle Table,” a blood-crusted set of pincers hinged to each pool table in this Australian made-for-TV movie. Surprisingly, the threat of phalangectomy did not diminish the sport’s popularity.

2. Death Parade – “Death March” (2015). Created as a sequel to the short film Death Billiards, this Japanese anime television series has dead people participate in “Death Games” to choose their final fate. This galactic billiards table makes its debut in the fifth episode during a game of Solar System 9-Ball. Fortunately, no planets were harmed in the playing of this grudge match.

1. Beverly Hillbillies (1960s). Though I’m not sure in which episode the “fancy eatin’ table” first premiered, it is impossible to forget the Clampett family’s dining room table, which viewers all recognized as a billiards table. It was “built solid” enough to support “half dozen turkey gobblers and never sag a bit.” Best of all, the table came with “pot passers” and “meat stabbers” (aka cue sticks notched or sharpened for various culinary purposes).

So, the next time you’re discussing billiards table options, consider finding inspiration in these cinematic counterparts. Just steer clear of the Knuckle Table.  We’ll leave that one on the silver screen.

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This article first appeared in BCA Insider – BCA Holiday Issue (November 1, 2019).

The Honeymooners – “Opportunity Knocks But”

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Watching the movie The Maltese Falcon, I first appreciated the use of a MacGuffin. Popularized by film director Alfred Hitchcock, a MacGuffin is an “object, device, or event that is necessary to the plot and the motivation of the characters, but insignificant, unimportant, or irrelevant in itself.”1 In the case of the 1941 noir classic, the eponymous avian black figurine drives the story, but is itself peripheral and inconsequential.

To be clear, the “Opportunity Knocks But” episode of The Honeymooners is no Maltese Falcon. But, in many ways, the game of billiards is the ultimate MacGuffin.

For those too young or ignorant to remember the Golden Age of Television, The Honeymooners was an American sitcom following the day-to-day life of bus driver Ralph Kramden (Jackie Gleason), his wife Alice (Audrey Meadows), and his best friend Ed Norton (Art Carney).

“Opportunity Knocks But,” which aired in May 1956, was one of the last of the “Classic 39 Episodes.” In the episode, Mr. Marshall, Ralph’s boss at the bus company, receives a new pool table as an anniversary present from his wife. Told Ralph is “the best pool player in the bus company,” Mr. Marshall asks Ralph to stop by his Park Avenue apartment that night to teach him the “fundamentals” of the game.

Ralph, of course, jumps at the opportunity, telling Norton, “this is how you get places, socializing with the higher-ups.” Norton ends up joining Ralph, and the two of them agree that “no matter what Mr. Marshall does tonight, every shot he takes, compliment him…encourage him.”

This pre-planned sycophancy reaches its humorous apex when Ralph comments on Mr. Marshall’s chalking (“Say, look at how well he did that, Norton! Oh! He was a good chalker for the first time.”) or his missing the ball on the break (“Yeah, but you came so close… if anybody had told me that you was a pool hustler when I met you this afternoon, I would have laughed right in their face.”)

But, here’s the rub: they don’t actually ever play pool. Aside from selecting and chalking a cue, the game never begins. Mr. Marshall keeps getting interrupted by Norton’s ideas for improving the work environment for the bus drivers. Though Ralph keeps trying to redirect the conversation back to the game, Norton makes such an impression on Marshall that he offers him the Bus Driver Supervisor position so coveted by Ralph. For Ralph, this ignominy squelches any further chance of playing.

So, while billiards drove the episode’s plot and provided the perfect milieu for showcasing talent and exchanging ideas, the actual game is irrelevant, thereby becoming the ultimate MacGuffin.
The irony, of course, as most billiards cineastes know, is that Jackie Gleason, like the character he portrayed, truly was a billiards expert. Honeymooners fans got a glimpse of this just five episodes later in “The Bensonhurst Bomber.” But, the real treat came five years later when Gleason portrayed pool hustler Minnesota Fats in the masterpiece The Hustler. Let’s just say it was worth the wait.

  1. Wikipedia

Top 10 Wish List of Billiards Screenplay Adaptations

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billiards fictionIn 1955, author Walter Tevis, at the age of 28, had his billiards short story, “The Big Hustle,” published in the August 5 issue of Collier’s magazine. That tale about the rivalry between Ned Bales and the Hot Springs Babe was never adapted for the silver screen.  However, his short story “The Hustler,” published in Playboy in 1957 and expanded into a novel in 1959, is a pool ball of a different color altogether.  That story became the ground-breaking, billiards-blazing 1961 film The Hustler, recipient of nine Oscar nominations and widely credited with sparking a resurgence in the popularity of pool.  And, of course, Mr. Tevis’ 1984 novel The Color of Money, which two years later Martin Scorsese adapted into the eponymous film, was equally impactful on the industry and lauded by pool and movie fans everywhere.

Though The Hustler and The Color of Money are the most successful screen adaptations of billiards-themed fictional works, they are not the only examples.  Cedric Yamanaka’s short story, “The Lemon Tree Billiards House,” was turned into a short film of the same name in 1996.   The director Francis Ford Copolla worked with author S.E. Hinton to adapt his novel Rumble Fish, which includes a decent amount of billiards, into the 1986 movie. Even Isaac Asimov’s sci-fi short story “The Billiard Ball” has been turned into a Claymation film.

All of this got me thinking: if the two most popular billiards movies are both based on adapted screenplays, and if other fictional works have also provided good source material for films, then perhaps there is a whole treasure trove of untapped novels and stories that can be equally mined for billiards gold. Therefore, I present my Top 10 Wish List for Billiards Screenplay Adaptations.[1]  (Note: for the purpose of this post, I limited my scope to fiction, but there are some amazing memoirs and biographies of the sport’s most colorful characters, that warrant a separate top 10 wish list in the near future.)

  1. “A Billiard Lesson” by A. A. Milne. Though Mr. Milne is best known as the creator of the world’s favorite anthropomorphic teddy bear Winnie-the-Pooh, he was a prolific writer of plays, poems, and short stories, including “A Billiard Lesson,” first published in the British literary humor magazine Punch in 1911. The short story focuses on a game of English billiards between an alleged billiards expert and Celia, his friend/student, who unwittingly wins the game without understanding at all how to play or how the game is scored.

 

  1. The Cue Ball Mystery (Series) by Cindy Blackburn. South Carolina author Cindy Blackburn does not play pool. But, Jessie Hewitt, the pool shark protagonist of the six books in the Cue Ball Mystery series, certainly does.  The novels – Playing With Poison; Double Shot; Three Odd Balls; Four Play; Five Spot; and Six Easy Pockets – all focus on the intersection of Jessie’s former pool-hustling days, her current days penning romance novels and her struggling love life.

 

  1. One-Pocket Man by Albert Betz. The simple fact that native Philadelphian Albert Betz writes about one-pocket from personal experience earns his debut novel One-Pocket Man a place on my list. Published in 2005, the novel focuses on Danny Bonto, a Chicago mid-level enforcer who is given a new life, identity and job by the Fed in exchange for ratting out his boss. But, in his new hometown of Philadelphia, he runs afoul of the mob while working in a local poolroom, where he also takes a teenager under his wing and teaches him the nuanced game of one-pocket.

 

  1. “The Billiard Table” by James Hall. According to Robert Byrne, author of the anthology Byrne’s Book of Great Pool Stories, James Hall’s “The Billiard Table” from 1829 is likely the first short story with a billiards theme ever published. Though the writing is rather stilted, the story is elegant in its simplicity. Mr. St. Clair, an aristocrat gifted at English billiards, loses a match and a large sum of money to a hustler. Terrified how his wife might react, he races home only to find she is no longer there, which he quickly assumes is a result of the attention he gives to the game and his neglect of her.

 

  1. Do It for the Game by Robert Campbell. Reviewing Robert Campbell’s bio, it’s clear this man loves pool. He owns a pool hall in Bradford, Massachusetts. He published a monthly newspaper, “All About Pool…Everywhere.” He contributed articles to several national billiards publications. He’s been inducted into the New England Pool & Billiards Hall of Fame. And, in 2002, he published Do It for the Game, a novel about Brian Dwyer, a man down-on-his-luck who returns to his hometown and rediscovers his joy for pool and the life lessons of the game. The novel includes the usual cast of colorful hustlers (e.g., Weasel, Snake, Zig Zag), but the storytelling rings true among reviewers who have lived in his shoes.

 

  1. Screenshot 2025 10 11 at 11.12.51 AMSticks by Joan Bauer. The sole work on this list aimed at the Young Adult crowd, Sticks is a 2005 novel written by the highly acclaimed, Newberry Honor Medal recipient Joan Bauer. The novel’s protagonist, 13-year-old Mickey Vernon, is preparing to compete is the most important pool tournament of his life. But, to win, he must deal with a more experienced and mean rival, his mother’s rules and reservations, and the reappearance of a pool expert and family friend with a troubling past.

 

 

  1. Billy Phelan’s Greatest Game by William Kennedy. The middle member of William Kennedy’s much-loved “Albany cycle” trilogy (which includes Legs and Ironweed), Billy Phelan’s Greatest Game centers on Billy Phelan, a small-time, Depression-era pool hustler, poker player, bowler, and bookie. As in the movie Three Card Monte, billiards comprises only a small percent of the dimly-lit, back-alley action, so it’s debatable whether this novel should be eligible for this list. But, as one might expect from a future Pulitzer Prize winner, the writing is so precise and evocative, that it’s hard to argue it’s movie material.

 

  1. “A Game of Billiards” by William Sansom. Talk about creepy. First published in 1952 in a collection of William Sansom’s work called A Touch of the Sun, “A Game of Billiards” is a short story about a narrator who is trapped in a room with a large man who imagines they are locked in a close billiards match. His oversized opponent is intense, meticulous in everything from his cue-chalking to his angles, brags about shots that will “please Mother” and yet is quite menacing whenever the narrator tries to cut short the pretend game.

 

  1. Billiard Blues by Maxence Fermine. Published in 2004, Billiard Blues, by French author Maxence Fermine, is a collection of three stories that each take place in different cities, several decades apart. The first story occurs in 1930s Chicago and focuses on John Lee Hooker, years before he becomes the world-famous blues musician. Hooker attends a billiards match between Willie Hoppe, perhaps the greatest pool player ever, and Al Capone, the notoriously vicious gangster who ruled over Chicago during the Prohibition Era. Bet you’d want to be a fly on the wall for that game.

 

  1. “The Hungarian Cinch” by Bill Pronzini. The trope of Aliens on Earth is fertile ground for Hollywood, ranging from films about hostile adversaries (e.g., Invasion of the Body Snatchers; They Live) to misunderstood companions (e.g., E.T.; The Iron Giant). Bill Pronzini’s sci-fi short story, “The Hungarian Cinch” (1976), is somewhere in-between, perhaps closer to Neil Blomkamp’s genre-breaking film District 9, in which aliens co-exist with humans in a tightly regulated environment. In the story, the world’s greatest one-pocket player, Fancy Fontana, is set to play Randolph GQ-XIV, an orange-skinned, hairy-legged, extraterrestrial who has never played the game before, for $50,000. The opportunity seems to good to be a true – a rare ‘Hungarian cinch’ (in the hustler’s parlance). But, of course, competing against aliens never quite goes as planned.

So, there you have it.  It’s time to pause on the sequels and punt on the reboots. Hollywood, are you taking notes?  And, just in case, these ten titles didn’t stir your creative juices, I’ve included below covers from some of the other novels that I considered in curating this billiards screenplay wish list, not to mention the other 27 short stories sourced by Robert Byrne.

[1]      This post would not have been possible without reading, and being inspired by, Byrne’s Book of Great Pool Stories (1995). Thank you Mr. Byrne for your research and curation.

Top 12 Billiards Comic Book Covers

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billiards comic bookAlmost two years ago, a friend alerted me that Pool & Billiards Magazine had done a cover story on billiards comic book covers. Entitled “Comic Collection: Comics Featuring Our Favorite Sport!,” the November 2015 article focused on the 52 book collection of billiards enthusiast Gary Nelson.  Mr. Nelson’s covers ranged from Popular Comics #124 (June 6, 1946) to Grimm Fairy Tales #82D (February, 2013).

As a long-time comic book collector, whose passion for comics pre-dates his passion for billiards by almost a decade, I was instantly hooked. In fact, I was a bit downtrodden, if not even slightly jealous, that the idea of munging comic books and billiards had not occurred to me. Ironically, I had even written a blog post in June 2014 – Top 10 Cartoon Cue Stick Carriers  – that referenced a few such covers.

No matter. I jumped into the research with the energy of Firestorm and the determination of the Punisher, ultimately discovering a total of 61 comic book covers featuring billiards. But, to paraphrase the famous wall-crawler, with great research comes great responsibility, and simply sharing the covers is not a sufficient feat of billiards heroism. To take it farther, we must select the top quintile of those covers!  My choices of the Top 12 Billiards Comic Book Covers follow, though I’ve also included a gallery of all the covers at the end so you can choose for yourself.  Now, read on, enjoy and critique.  Excelsior!

 

  1. billiards comic bookArchie’s Mad House #21 (September, 1962). First published in 1959, Archie’s Mad House was designed to make no sense; by issue #19, it didn’t even feature Archie.  Instead, the title focused on monsters, space, and wacky stories, often parodying some aspect of popular culture. This particular issue came out one year after The Hustler, which may have been part of the cultural gag. Regardless, the cover illustration shows two space men heading toward a planet shaped like an 8-ball.  That’s my kind of interstellar travel destination.

 

  1. billiards comic bookFeature Comics #132 (March, 1949). Published by Quality Comics, Feature Comics ran during the Golden Age of Comics, from the late 1930s to circa 1950. While many characters were introduced, the most noteworthy was Doll Man, created by Will Eisner, who also created The Spirit. Unfortunately named, Doll Man had the power to shrink his physical size, long before there was an Atom or Ant Man. Doll Man outlived his publisher, as the character was eventually acquired by DC Comics, and Doll Man became a member of the Freedom Fighters, as well as the All-Star Squadron.   Though this particular cover is uninspiring (and specious, given the hat-wearing felon is shooting the 8-ball rather than the cue ball) I nonetheless appreciate the nostalgic value, as these super groups were part of my youth.

 

  1. billiards comic bookSpider-Man’s Tangled Web #13 (June, 2002). I’ll admit it. The appeal of this cover has less to do with the billiards and more to do with my childhood obsession both with Spider-Man and the Marvel Universe of b-rated comic book villains. The setting for this cover is the Bar With No Name, a safe haven for Marvel villains. Presumably, Spider-Man intruded on a friendly game of pool between the two gents with cue sticks, Mr. Hyde and Whirlwind. And, now the interruption has drawn the ire of a gaggle of other costumed nemeses, including Vulture, Boomerang, Matador, Stilt Man, Rocket Racer, and a couple of other gnarly fellas.

 

  1. billiards comic bookCasper the Friendly Ghost #142 (June, 1970). This amiable phantasm has been around since the 1930s, though he didn’t get his own comic until 1949 when Harvey Comics purchased the character outright. This particular cover is a delight because it not only shows Casper’s trick shot showmanship, pocketing at least three balls, with two more freakishly destined for corner pockets, but also revels in his innocence, as he floats into the table (which I’m thinking is not allowed by the BCA) and – oops – also sinks the cue in the side.

 

  1. billiards comic bookAngel & Faith #11 (February, 2015). Joss Whedon struck gold with his series Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Angel & Faith is a Dark Horse title that continues the Buffy story by focusing on the stories of Angel and Faith Lehane.  Well, I never watched Buffy, so it’s all gibberish to me, but Scott Fischer’s cover is top-notch. (No surprise from the man who lent his skills and imagination to the Dungeon & Dragons: Monster Manual.) The cover features a menacing individual, gripping an 8-ball and impaled cleanly by a cue stick. A rack of skeletal billiards balls in the background. The scene looks like something out of my Top 10 Billiards Brawls.

 

  1. billiards comic bookForeskin Man #2 (2011). Circumcision has found a new enemy in Foreskin Man, aka Miles Hastwick, curator of the Museum of Genital Integrity. Created by Matthew Hess and published by Male Genital Mutilation Bill Comics, Foreskin Man, with his Herculean physique, seems to have the upper hand on the grimacing mohel, so I’m not sure why the hero feels compelled to wield an 8-ball.  And, then there’s the bigger question which makes the whole comic’s mission a bit suspect:  why is the brit malah happening on a pool table???

 

  1. billiards comic bookThe Flintstones and Pebbles #55 (December, 1969). I already knew from the 1960 Flintstones episode “At the Races” that the man from Bedrock could shoot pool. But, this cover does a great job of injecting the prehistoric scenery – in this case, a long-necked, fanged, reptilian creature – into the pool game. It is also repurposing the idea of using animals for tools and appliances, a popular Flintstones mechanism. Besides, Amazon sells more than 100 bridges of all shapes and sizes, including moose heads, bats, and spiders. Is it really so implausible that a snagglesaurus could be used for a similar purpose?

 

  1. billiards comic bookSilent Hill: Dead/Alive #3 (February, 2006). Pretty much anything in the Silent Hill franchise is disturbing, and this comic book cover by Ted McKeever and Chris Bolton is no exception. The art shows a quartet of hideous monsters gathered around a pool table, where one of them is shooting the cue ball at an ocular billiard ball drawn disproportionately large. This is certainly far more gruesome than anything from the pseudo-horror billiards shows I’ve reviewed, such as the “Pool Sharks” episode of Monsters or The Understudy: Graveyard Shift II.

 

  1. billiards comic bookNew Funnies: Woody Woodpecker #187 (September, 1952). In 1999, the “Cue the Pool Shark” episode of The New Woody Woodpecker established that this red-white-and-blue avian can shoot some stick. But, this cover takes us back 47 years. Even then, Woody could rock the baize, showing off some mean masse skills to his feathered brethren. Granted, the kiddies have no respect for the game, morphing it into something like pool roller hockey.  But, that’s cool – there are a lot of hybrid billiards sports out there (e.g., Pool Bowling with Jimmy Kimmel; Poolball – aka pool + soccer; etc.).

 

  1. billiards comic bookRichie Rich Digest Winners #11 (November, 1981). Winning the prize for most billiards comic book covers is Richie Rich, the little boy zillionaire, with six different covers from 1973 (Richie Rich Fortunes #11) to this 1981 cover. Though other covers had better puns (“This table must have cost pool-enty!”), I selected this one for its uniquely designed pool table in the shape of a dollar sign.  Too far-fetched? I think not…just take a look at these real unusually shaped tables (a coffin? a banana?).  I think Richie might have been ahead of his time.

 

  1. billiards comic bookSleepwalker #2 (July, 1991). Do you ever play pool to relieve some stress? Jeff Hagees did. But, when his stress turned into gambling debt, and he was circumstantially fired by his employer, this engineer sought revenge by becoming the criminal 8-Ball, with a pool-rack shaped hovercraft, a killer cue stick (literally), and a team of goons, including 6-Ball, 9-Ball, and 11-Ball, who wielded exploding billiards balls.  The best part: the 8-ball for a dome!

 

 

  1. billiards comic bookHouse of Secrets #127 (January, 1975). Most known for introducing the character The Swamp Thing, House of Secrets from DC Comics focused on mystery, fantasy, and horror stories, often with several anthologized in one comic. This issue includes the 36-page story “Death on Cue!,” in which a pool hall bum steals a magic cue from an old man and beats him to death with it. But, the dead man’s ghost returns and enacts revenge, first beating him, and then shrinking him, as evidenced on the cover. It’s then unlucky 13 for the killer who is ultimately crushed between two deadly rolling balls.

 

Did I omit one of your favorite covers?  Take a look at the complete collection of 61 covers and let me know which would have made your Top 12 list.  And if you come across any covers that I’ve overlooked, send me an email or leave me a comment.

Top 15 #FakeBilliardsMovie

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In honor of my 150th blog post, I must turn my attention to the less honorable, seldom discussed, near-underground genre of #FakeBilliardsMovie. Yes, these are the films that peddle in billiards imagery and idiom – pool tables, eight-balls, cue sticks, green baize – to lure in viewers, yet upon closer inspection, have little to nothing to do with the sport. The egregious members of this sinister club are movies that reveal a blatant disrespect for billiards, seizing upon the popular appeal of pool to bamboozle the unsuspecting cinephile.

#NotABilliardsMovieOn occasion, the storyline gives a fleeting nod to billiards, perhaps featuring a lone pool table as part of a billiards bar backdrop. Such is the case with Kevin Spacey’s 1996 directorial debut Albino Alligator, in which a New Orleans bar, pool table and all, provide the venue for a foiled robbery attempt.  But, far more often, the billiards is simply a siren’s call, a cinematic fool’s errand that leaves the viewer despondent and depressed.  To help rid Hollywood of this subterfuge, I present to you my meticulously researched list of the Top 15 #FakeBilliardsMovie movies, with each malefactor representing a decade of blog posts.  Let the countdown begin (and note that all summaries are courtesy of IMDB).

  1. #NotABilliardsMovieSignage. In 2007, Rick Hammerly directed this 12-minute short film in which a receding hairline, the beginning of crow’s feet and a chance encounter with a young deaf man force the protagonist to confront getting older in today’s youth-conscious world. The poster proclaims, “When life calls the last shot,” while showing the bottom left corner of a pool table, but the game is a ruse, largely irrelevant to the film. #FakeBilliardsMovie

 

  1. #NotABilliardsMovieDestiny Stalled. When I first saw the poster to this short film from 2000, I was so keen to watch it that I reached out to the director Susan Johnson because the movie was unobtainable online. Ms. Johnson kindly sent me a password to watch the movie on a private video hosting platform. It’s a touching film about the connection forged between a man and boy at a hospital. But whereas the poster would suggest that billiards is critical to their interplay, the irritating truth is that pool is a transitory thread. #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieAngels with Dirty Faces. Good versus evil. The priest versus the gangster. Father Connolly versus Rocky Sullivan in a fight over the fate of a group of ‘dead end kids.’  Michael Curtiz’ 1938 drama sizzled on the screen, with James Cagney starring in an Oscar-nominated role as the magnetic local crime boss. So, what’s with the pool hall as the fateful setting for the head-to-head confrontation? Yes, our gang of street urchins frequent a pool hall, but this poster is a cheap shot, ya dirty rat. #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieBehind the Eight Ball. At times compared to the Marx Brothers, the Ritz Brothers (Jimmy, Harry, and Al) were an American comedy team making movies since the early 1930s. But, in 1942, they crossed the line with the musical comedy Behind the Eight Ball, which had the members of a summer theater group getting mixed up with spies and murder. The film featured a bullet-shooting clarinet, but the poster was cue stick crookery. #FakeBilliardsMovie

 

  1. #NotABilliardsMovie#NotABilliardsMovie8-Ball and 8-Ball. Given the plethora of authentic billiards movies unoriginally named “8-Ball,” it’s borderline criminal that these two foreign films felt compelled to exploit the popular term for no reason remotely related to the sport. The 2013 Finnish film, originally titled 8-Pallo, is about a single mother who, having just been released from prison, is trying to start her life anew. And the 2012 short film from Argentina is about about a man having a personal crisis who seeks solitude in a park, when a passing stranger named 8-Ball takes an unwelcome interest in him. Really? Couldn’t the stranger have been named Agapito or Hecmir? #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieBelle Speranze. Visual skullduggery hit a new nadir when director Mike Leigh’s 1988 film High Hopes was released at the Venice Film Festival as Belle Speranze. Somehow, this “slice-of-life look at a sweet working class couple in London, Shirley and Cyril, his mother, who’s aging quickly and becoming forgetful, mum’s ghastly upper-middle-class neighbors, and Cyril’s pretention sister and philandering husband” became about playing billiards in dimly-lit pub halls. As boring as the American movie poster is for this film, at least it’s honest. #FakeBilliardsMovie

 

  1. #NotABilliardsMovieBehind the 8 Ball (series). Also known as the So You Want… series, this collection of 63 black-and-white live action short films, released between 1942 and 1956, all starred Joe McDoakes as the protagonist. Each film humorously addressed an everyday problem (e.g., So You Want to be in Politics; So Your Wife Wants to Work; So You Want to be a Cowboy). But, no mirth could be found in the prominence of the large 8-ball that features repeatedly in the opening credits of each short. #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieQuarterlifers. Adam Fortner directed this 2011 drama about “four lifelong friends who are each struggling to learn what’s important in their lives through crazy, heart-warming, and hilarious situations.” OK, I guess with a plotline that insipid, I too might opt to bait a larger audience by featuring pool in the movie poster.  At least one of the four amigos buys a local billiards bar and tries to operate it.  It’s a start. #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieBlue Velvet. As much as I enjoyed David Lynch’s discomforting 1984 film, I’m disturbed that the movie’s Italian poster, illustrated by prolific movie poster designer (i.e., 3000+ movie posters) Enzo Sciotti, not only references a rape scene that does not exist in the film (although it is rumored the scene was shot), but trades on the visual iconography of the pool table (which is used in the movie when Frank beats a man senseless on the table while topless girls surround him) to create one of the most repugnant billiards images in cinema. And – again – the scene never even happened! #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieCarambolages. This 1963 French film from director Marcel Bluwal translates to “carom shots.” As if the cue stick in the top left corner was not sufficiently specious, then certainly the title’s translation into one of the most common strokes in billiards is an act of lexical jugglery, for this comédie noire is about climbing the corporate ladder, not banking in billiards. #FakeBilliardsMovie

 

 

  1. #NotABilliardsMovie8 Ball Bunny. Look, I love the gray hare trickster as much as anyone, but there is no reason this 7-minute animation from 1950 needs to capitalize on billiards fandom with this inane image of a penguin sitting on an 8-ball. According to IMDB, in this short “Bugs helps a penguin go home via New Orleans, Martinique, the Panama Canal and finally the South Pole. But the penguin’s home is in New Jersey.” Maybe if the penguin is a metaphor for New Jersey-born Billiard Congress of America Hall of Fame inductee Allen Hopkins, I could buy it.  Otherwise, this cunicular con needs to come clean. #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieRaja Natwarlal. The poster for this 2014 Bollywood drama, directed by Kunal Deshmukh, shows an attractive couple leaning on a pool table, but the film is actually about a small-time con man seeking assistance form his mentor with the intention of settling scores with a gangster. Apparently, the culprit for this visual deceit is prolific movie poster creator Bharat Devaliya. Shame, shame. #FakeBilliardsMovie

 

 

  1. #NotABilliardsMovieEight Ball. Rick Argall directed this 1991 Australian deception that not only traffics in eight-ball imagery and nomenclature, but also repurposes the sport’s argot with the tagline, “In life the trick is to get an even break.” Pity the uninformed viewer who expects some billiards bravado. This film is about a self-absorbed architect who befriends an ex-convict as they work on building a tourist attraction designed to resemble a huge fish. #FakeBilliardsMovie

 

  1. #NotABilliardsMovieMuzi v Nadeji. This 2011 Czech film (translated as Men in Hope) from director Jiri Vejdelek includes one of the most popular (and #NSFW) billiards scenes on the internet. Thousands of people have watched and shared it, likely with little knowledge of its origin. Indeed, the scene is the basis for the movie’s poster, which exploits the intended viewer’s love of both billiards and beautiful, buxom women. Yet, aside from the one scene, this two-hour comedic romance shows no interest in billiards. #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieNine Ball Diaries. Of all the #FakeBilliardsMovie transgressors, the top dog is this 2008 documentary on – wait for it – cyclocross, an extreme form of bicycling. Aside from the indignity that the film relies entirely on the softly haloed image of a 9-ball (and includes said ball in its title), the poster simultaneously snubs its own subject, as if to fatuously assume that cyclocross is well-understood.   And, lets’ face it, with the exception of Breaking Away, the bicycle-movie genre could probably use some good PR.

I hope this list has raised your mercury level a bit.  This sort of affront requires action. Perhaps, you’ll consider a boycott, or a hunger strike. Maybe join a sit-in or march to Hollywood to draw attention to #FakeBilliardsMovie.  Of course, if other domestic and global issues seem more important (which is remotely possible), then I encourage you to sit back down on the couch, grab a beer and some popcorn, and watch any of the 200+ legitimate billiards movies, short films, and television episodes I’ve cataloged.

Another Top 10 Billiards Commercials List

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In January 2015, for my 100th blog post, I took a “break” from blogging about billiards movies by switching my focus to “billiards breaks” – specifically, billiards commercials (breaks).  The resulting blog post – The Top 10 Commercial Breaks Featuring Billiards – was not only a hoot to investigate, but also among my most popular posts.

Of course, as with any top 10 list, the moment it was released, some omissions became glaring. The more research I conducted, the more examples I surfaced that were certainly list-worthy.  Rather than disassemble the old list, I instead have opted for the easy-way-out and generated Another Top 10 Billiards Commercials List, complete with 10 billiards commercials from around-the-world that are entirely different from those cited on my first list.  Let the (second) countdown begin!

  1. Dentyne – Ice. Viewers of Super Bowl XXXV, in which the Rams decimated the Giants 34-7, may remember the CGI-heavy “Pool Hall” billiards commercial from Dentyne. With both a 15- and 30-second version, the 2001 advertisement features a sexy woman approaching a sexy man, who is playing pool.  The mid-riff baring vixen pops a piece of Ice gum into her mouth, right before kissing the guy.  Their arctic breath subsequently freezes over the table, and his shot literally shatters the 13-ball into an explosion of billiards fragments.  Learn more about the special effects here.
  1. Nerf Pool. Who could have predicted in 1969 when Reyn Guyer first invented the NERF ball that 15 years later it would become a critical component of Parker Brothers’ Nerf Pool household game? In this 30-second billiards commercial, presumably from 1984-1985, a grandfather and his grandson convert the kitchen table into a Nerf Pool table by assembling the four pockets with the elastic sidewall strips. Then it’s time for billiards action, as there is nothing Grandpa would “rather put away” except maybe Grandma’s dessert.

  1. H&M – Modern Essentials. Soccer player and supermodel David Beckham continues his sponsorship for clothing retail H&M in this 2015 30-second spot, “Pool.”  Directed by Marc Forster (World War Z) and powered by The Heavy’s song “What Makes a Good Man?,” this all-star uniting commercial features Mr. Beckham showcasing the jacket and sweatshirt from the new Modern Essentials collection as he plays an opponent in pool.  The ultimate gravity-defying move is Mr. Beckham’s jump shot that supernaturally veers left after pocketing the 8-ball.

  1. Ford Explorer. To launch the new 2011 Explorer, the automotive company took to Facebook, where it created a series of promotional videos featuring celebrities answering questions about the popular SUV.  In this billiards commercial, Hall of Fame pool player Jeannette Lee, addressed the question, “Do the Explorer’s second and third rows fold completely flat?,” by converting the back rows into a pool table where she broke a 9-ball rack.  Though the Black Widow utters no words, her follow-up trick shot, in which she jumps the cue ball into her stiletto-heeled shoe, confirmed the SUV’s flatness.  Other celebrities, such as Snoop Dogg and Brett Michaels, appears in similar Ford videos.

  1. Carling Beer. In 2013, the writing/direction duo, The Sniper Twins, created a wonderful billiards commercial (“Trick Shot”) in which a bar patron attempts a jaw-dropping trick shot that includes fireworks, elaborate ramps, and an eight-ball jumping a bridge in a toy convertible before sailing through a ring of fire. The eight-ball lands in the designated side pocket, but the cheers are muted after the cue ball falls moments later.  The scratch prompts the patron’s partner to exclaim, “It’s good…but it’s not quite Carling good.” (Note: Carling has been a patron saint of billiards commercials since the early 1980s, when it featured snooker legends John Spencer and Terry Griffiths in its famous advertisement.)

  1. Jack in the Box – Spicy Nacho Chicken Sandwich. Jack Box may just be your average joe with an overgrown round white head, blue dot eyes and a black pointy nose, but as evidenced in the 2015 “Pool Hall” commercial, produced by the Struck ad agency, he shoots a mean game of 9-ball.  As narrated by a regular at a dive bar, Jack approached the table, made “the shot” (i.e., nine balls on the break in an awesome trick shot), and appeased his stunned opponent with a Spicy Nacho Chicken Sandwich.

  1. Guinness. On my original Top 10 list, the Guinness “Table” ad took the #3 spot for its rather revisionist interpretation of how pool tables came to have pockets. As I have since learned, “Table” was part of a billiards commercial trinity. The other two pool history ads – tied here – are “Cue” and “Felt.”  Both of the 2007 commercials provide a similarly comical interpretation of how certain billiards indispensables fortuitously made their way into the game.  Thank god for that local chimney sweep who “extended a helping hand.”

  1. Budweiser. Like peanut butter and jelly, Budweiser and billiards were made to best friends. The beer behemoth earned the #7 spot in my previous list with their 1999 “Skunky Beer” commercial.  But, I evidently and egregiously overlooked two fantastic billiards commercials from overseas that now tie for the bronze.

In “Giant Pool Table,” the agency DDB UK gorgeously shows curious onlookers spying massive billiards balls littered across city streets.  Propelled by the song “Brakes On” by Air, the action moves to the top of a Los Angeles skyscraper, where it becomes clear that a giant game of pool is being played, complete with the multi-person chalking of a cue and shooting of an 8-ball through a corner pocket. The 90-second ad launched across the UK and Ireland in late 2010.

In the 2011 billiards commercial “PoolBall,” the Argentinian division of Oglivy addressed the age-old conundrum that “soccer and nightlife are worlds apart” by combining the two into the unique sport of PoolBall.  Played on a seven-meter long pool table, the sport has the “same pool rules” and the “same soccer fantasies,” with “more than 280 players each night.”  The two-minute spot includes all the essentials: rabid soccer fans, hot women, fancy soccer moves (e.g., The Moccasin Effect), and, of course, lots of beer (“Fridge Included”).

  1. VIP Frenchie. In India, there exists the unfortunate habit of men adjusting their underwear in public.  In this brilliant 90-second “IPBL” (Indian Pocket Billiards League) campaign from 2015, the innovative underwear manufacturer pokes fun at this male ritual with a voiceover that not only satirizes Indian men scratching in public, but also gives fame to the not-so-clandestine gestures by naming them, such as “the pant whisperer,” “the juggler,” “the double-de-clutch,” and “the centerfold.”  While a quintet of IPBL players are lauded for their patented moves, the end joke is that the comfort of Frenchie, which eliminates the “scratch and itch,” disqualifies people from playing in the IPBL.

  1. Miller Lite Beer. World pool champion Steve Mizerak made billiards advertising history in 1978 with his famous “just showing off” trick shot commercial that earned the top spot on my original top 10 list.  In the 1980 follow-up commercial, one of many that was part of the “Tastes great. Less Filling” campaign era, the Miz competes against a who’s-who of iconic figures, including Bubba Smith, Rodney Dangerfield, and Mickey Spillane, before running the table on them.  The secret to his success?  “Practice, practice, practice.”

So, there’s my Top 10 list, which combined with my earlier Top 10 list, should really be combined into a Top 20 list.  And even then, the list would omit such enjoyable commercials as the 2004 Hanes advertisement which featured Michael Jordan and Matthew Perry playing pool, or the 1999 Hitachi Rotary Shaver ad from Japan that used a pool table to show the closeness of the razor’s shave.

The evidence would seem to support that billiards can be used to sell lots of products, whether beer, underwear, fast food, or cars.  Now, if only it would help sell the actual sport and make it a little more lucrative for all those who play professionally.

The Rifleman – “Shattered Idol”

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“The game of billiards has destroyed my naturally sweet disposition.” – Mark Twain, April 24, 1906

Among my literary loves is historical fiction, that malleable genre that permits imaginary, engaging storylines through the creative and (hopefully) well-researched use of real people, places, and events. (If you’re itching for a good read, check out some highly entertaining and educational examples, such as Twelve Fingers by Jo Soares, The Adventures of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon, or The Alienist by Caleb Carr.)

Shattered IdolThus, I got a bit giddy when I first learned about and watched the December 1961 episode “Shattered Idol” from the fourth season of The Rifleman television series. The Rifleman was an American Western television show that starred Chuck Connors as Lucas McCain, a widowed Union Civil War veteran raising his son Mark (Johnny Crawford) during the 1870s and 1880s. The 30-minute episodes, all filmed in black-and-white, ran on ABC from September, 1958 to April, 1963.

The fictitious “Shattered Idol” episode begins with Samuel Clemens (aka Mark Twain, played by Oscar nominee Kevin McCarthy), in his trademark white suit, disheveled hair, and overgrown mustache, passing through the town of North Fork, New Mexico Territory in stagecoach, when his vehicle has wheel trouble, forcing a several day layover. Unexplainably crotchety and rude to the local denizens, including the young, author-worshiping Mark McCain, Twain opts to hole up in the town’s inn, with its solitary four-cushion billiards table, removed from any contact with anyone.

So far, so make-believe (and the author’s surliness so intentionally bewildering).

Shattered IdolIn time, Twain emerges from his room and is prodded into making a billiards wager with Mr. Russell, the local cowpoke and pool shark, who says, “Here’s $70 you play billiards as well as you write: rotten.” Twain invites Mr. Russell to set up three balls anywhere on the table and that Twain can make a successful three-cushion shot (i.e., use the cue ball to hit the other two balls while also contacting three cushions). Twain makes the winner-takes-all shot, pockets the winnings, and dismisses his buffoonish opponent.

Twain’s demonstrated billiards acumen is rooted in history. According to biographer Albert Bigelow Paine, who wrote The Boys’ Life of Mark Twain (1916), Twain was passionate about billiards. Paine writes:

Every Friday evening, or oftener, a small party of billiard lovers gathered, and played until the late hour, told stories, smoked till the room was blue, comforting themselves with hot Scotch and general good-fellowship. Mark Twain always had a genuine passion for billiards. He never tired of the game. He could play all night. He could stay until the last man gave out from sheer weariness, then he would go on knocking the balls about alone.

In fact, Twain’s billiards room served as his “office, study and private domain…away from the bustle of a busy household, it was the place where the author would write his great works, fanning the manuscripts on the billiard table to be edited.”[1]

Shattered Idol

The real Mark Twain

“Shattered Idol” includes another historical fact – the early death of Twain’s son Langdon – which is revealed mid-episode to be the source of Twain’s dismissiveness and the rationale for his self-imposed isolation. Twain’s son Langdon died of diphtheria in 1872. In “Shattered Idol,” Twain believes he could have prevented hi son’s death, citing it as his reason to discontinue writing the then-serialized novel The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. (In truth, Twain did lose interest in writing the famous American classic for several years, but the delay was not attributable to Langdon’s death.)

Fortunately, for Huck, Jim, young Mark McCain, and millions of voracious future readers, the titular rancher Lucas McCain is able to help Twain overcome his grief (and save the imperiled novel) through a rematch on the billiards table.

Twain is once again challenged by the local town hustler to a 5-point game of three-cushion billiards for $100. Lacking concentration and distraught with grief, Twain initially loses. But, when Lucas gives him a pep talk about not living in the past, Twain is able to rebound and makes a stunning, consecutive series of five three-cushion shots, thereby defeating the hustler, winning the wager, regaining his desire to live, and recommitting to finish writing Huckleberry Finn.

The “Shattered Idol” episode of The Rifleman is not currently available online or on DVD.

[1]       https://marktwainhouse.org/about/the-house/HartfordHome/rooms/