Tag Archives: billiards movies

Billiards Micro-Dramas

Masked champions! Spiteful families! Romantic betrayals! Tragic accidents! Body swapping! Pool dynasties! And, if that’s not enough, billiards! Lots and lots of billiards!

Welcome to the world of micro-dramas, and specifically, billiards micro-dramas. They’re the modern soap opera, redesigned for phones, algorithms, and binge consumption. Clocking in at 1-4 minutes per episode, and consisting of 50-100 episodes per series, micro-dramas are the (not so) new viewing delicacy of an on-the-go, time-starved, attention-strained global audience seeking maximum stimulation and instant gratification right from their phone.

Originating in China, but now a global addiction, micro-dramas (or “vertical dramas” since they show in a vertical 9:16 aspect ratio, like TikTok videos) are reaching hundreds of millions of monthly viewers. They’re relatively cheap ($200K-$400K budget per series) and fast (7-14 days) to produce, which is why an estimated 35,000 are getting made every year, streaming on more than 20 different platforms such as ReelShort, NetShort, DramaBox, ShortMax, GoodShort, and FlexTV, which help make up the $8-$12 billion industry.

With that kind of hyper-growth, is it any surprise that more than a few series would focus on billiards, especially given the sport’s appeal in Asia, ground zero for micro-dramas?

Through some basic keyword searching, I discovered 11 billiards micro-dramas across the major platforms. I wistfully wanted to treat them as “distinct,” but the genre and format lend themselves to recycling the same archetypes and cliffhangers, creating carbon copy storylines. In fact, as you’ll quickly appreciate from the summaries below, these mimetic movies seem factory-made without a care for originality. The acting is so secondary and interchangeable that most even lack actual credits.

I didn’t have the fortitude to watch each of these billiards micro-dramas in entirety, though I did suffer through each one’s first three episodes, even as they blurred indistinguishably in my mind. All summaries are abbreviated from what was made available on the specific streaming platform.

(Note: my research focused on micro-drama series that across their combined episodes are similar in length to a traditional movie. However, there are apparently micro, micro-dramas, such as Baby Queen of Snooker on Flareflow, which often total to less than 10 minutes of viewing. Those I intentionally excluded and postponed for another lifetime.)

Breaking the Cue

One of the only billiards micro-dramas released in the United States, the 57-episode Breaking the Cue from March 2025 is available to stream in its entirety on NetShort. The series kicks off with young Alex, a scion of the Carey billiard family and someone who had never before touched a cue stick, suddenly showcasing exceptional billiards skills and making an especially complex shot originally designed by great-grandfather Carey. The secret behind his incredible transformation? Paul Stryker, the “King of Billiards” is tragically killed in a car accident, only to inexplicably wind up inside Alex’s body. It’s like Big…only without Tom Hanks, or a good script, or Penny Marshall, or “Heart and Soul” on the giant FAO Schwarz piano, or…

The Little Pool God

I can’t determine if The Little Pool God is the Chinese remake of Breaking the Cue, or if it’s the original that spawned the American remake. Amazingly, it probably doesn’t matter. The King of Billiards Paul Stryker has become the Billiards God Cameron Bell. Sadie Morris replaces Alex as the body host. The Morrises are the new Careys. The grandfather and his children are just as despicable. The only interesting aspect is why this Chinese dynasty all has such American-sounding names. All 58 episodes are available to watch on NetShort.

Eight Ball Vendetta

This 60-episode series streaming on GoodShort has it all: whiny incompetent husbands, hot wife pool hustlers, blindfolded shots, “impossible” breaks, secret skills, secret identities, sororal feuds, an underground billiards queen, and a master plan to recover the $500,000 that our ordinary schlub lost in a billiards scam. It’s as if Virgin Pockets, The Days of Our Lives, and the Venus and Serena documentary got blended into a billiards micro-drama cocktail of threadbare storytelling and convenient cliches. Still, the first three episodes of Eight Ball Vendetta made for more captivating entertainment than some of the other series reviewed here.

Break Shot: Rise Again

Once a world billiards champion, Daniel was betrayed and beaten by his brother and rival. Left for dead (but visibly only showing the most minor of scratches), Daniel gets rescued and is able to recover in the refuge of a pool hall. There, his lost talent resurfaces, starting with advising his benefactor to make a difficult four-rail shot to save his pool hall. But, as Daniel dominates tournaments and builds unbreakable bonds, his past catches up, setting the stage for a final showdown against his brother. Spanning 56 episodes, this 2025 Chinese fraternal melodrama is available to stream on NetShort. It also streams on NetShort under the separate title El Prodigio Bono del Billar with different character names.

For My Son: The Final Break

Terminally ill billiards legend York Zane, the “Billiard God of Maestro City,” discovers his son Cole was lured into a rigged gambling match and loses $300,000, plus his left leg, in an ill-fated attempt to raise money for his father’s condition. York vows to avenge his son, win back the money, and crush the criminals responsible for his son’s handicap by entering the Billiard God Championship. With episode titles like “The Brutal Bet,” “The Rigged Game,” “The Shattered 8-Ball,” and “The Brutal Ultimatum,” you can taste the cliffhanging tension. All 55 episodes of this Chinese billiards micro-drama are streaming on NetShort.

Dad Was the Cue King

Proving how formulaic these wafter-thin scripts are, Dad Was the Cue King barely even jumbles the ingredients of For My Son: The Final Break. In this billiards micro-drama, Kevin loses $300,000 in a rigged billiards game that his relatives baited him into playing. Kevin’s father, Brandon, the legend of Southvale, aka the Cue King, had retired from billiards to run a local pool hall. But, now to punish his relatives and reclaim the small fortune lost, he must emerge from hiding and return to the baize. And, if he thought there was any chance to keep his identity secret, that vanishes when he makes the impossible ‘Seven-Ball Abyss’ shot in Episode 12. This 60-episode series is streaming on NetShort.

Behind the Black Eight

In this 74-episode NetShort series, Sophia Lane, once a rising star in the world of billiards, went into hiding with her daughter Daisy after falling out with the president of the National Billiards Federation. Gavin Cooper, the reigning billiards god, tries to track down Sophia, so he can prove his legitimacy. And, then there’s Damien, the Gambling Kingpin of the Red Basement, who will eventually kidnap Daisy, but truthfully, in his Liberace getup, doesn’t exactly look too menacing. Alliances will be formed, gods will be challenged, and secret identities will be revealed. Now how is that any surprise? This billiards micro-drama is also marketed as the identical Mi Mamá, la Reina del Billar, just with different character names, on NetShort.

Got My Ex’s Ball in Hand

With its whimsical title, Got My Ex’s Ball in Hand, a 56-episode series that aired in the US in November 2025, seemed like it might distinguish itself from the rest of the genre’s dreck. But, three episodes in, there’s no mistaking this for another billiards micro-drama micro-turd. The preposterous concept is that three years ago, Quilla was the legendary pool champion “Queen Cue.” Then she left the sport to become a – gasp! – housewife and orchestrate her husband’s rise to fame. Though she didn’t wear a mask as Queen Cue (like some of the other aforementioned billiards champions), she cut her hair and downgraded her clothing. Now, nobody recognizes her. Her husband’s family humiliates her and gives all credit for her husband’s ascension to his powerful agent, who is also his secret mistress. You can guess where this story is heading. Got My Ex streams on ShortMax, a platform launched in 2023 by the Chinese company Jiu Zhou Wen Hua, a major player in the production of short-form mobile video content.

I’m a Big Shot in the Pool World

Given the interchangeable plot elements and characters across these series, the clunkily-translated I’m a Big Shot in the Pool World distinguishes itself by leaning a little more into the violent and sexual overtones, including an insinuated act of fellatio. Maybe that’s a distinction of ReelShort, as this is the only billiards micro-drama on that platform. This series follows former billiards champion Song Xiaochuan, who once declared, “There are millions of kings, but only one billiards god,” becomes a shadow of his almighty self after he first learns his unfaithful ex-girlfriend tried to get him to throw a match, and then is beaten to the point where he can no longer hold a cue stick. Predictably, Xiaochuan will go through an arc of rehabilitation, revenge and redemption, all in 53 brief episodes.

Carom on Call

Proving there are more gods in Chinese micro-dramas than there are on Mount Olympus, Carom on Call introduces us to yet another deity, Felix Lawrence, the Masked Billiards God and five-time reigning champion. Unfortunately, one day, Felix got badly beaten, left for dead and became a child-like amnesiac. Somehow, he marries gorgeous Yolanda, whose family owns a pool hall. There, he demonstrates his billiards prowess, making an impossible shot that sinks all fifteen balls. Onlookers suspect he may be the former masked champion. But, the more immediate issue is saving the pool hall from Yolanda’s evil uncle, who wishes not only to seize the hall but also force Yolanda into a more respectable marriage. And that’s just from the first three episodes; stream all 66 on NetShort.

Cue the Champion

Introducing the King of Billiards, aka Aiden Shaw, a mathematical genius with “dragon power” strength, who can make any shot because it can be reduced to a solvable geometry problem. But, when he wins the most recent championship, the governor rewards him by offering his 300-pound daughter in matrimony. Taking fat-shaming to a new level, Aiden flees to his grandfather’s billiards club, which is in danger of being taken over. He’s also introduced as the club’s new billiards coach, which roils the resident players. So, to silence the doubters, Aiden bets that he can train in three days a 10-year-old, who has never picked up a cue stick, how to beat all the other club players. That’s 52 episodes of cockiness streaming straight to your mobile screen on NetShort. This billiards micro-drama is also marketed as the identical Love Ball No. 9 on NetShort.

Snooker Man

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Perhaps as a subconscious tribute to the late Rob Reiner, director of This Is Spinal Tap, the greatest mockumentary ever made, I am kicking off 2026 with a review of the 2024 UK film Snooker Man, which won’t be entering the pantheon of great mockumentaries any time soon.

That’s not to say the premise isn’t clever: Johnny “Snooker Man” Bonnar, the 17th-rated lookalike for the great world snooker champion Ronnie O’Sullivan, stumbles into an avocation in miniature snooker and pursues a path to challenge the reigning champion Wolfgang in the World Championship of Miniature Snooker (WCMS).

Humorously, the genesis of this original film concept began with Snooker Man director Pete Casserly winning a “best adult short film award” at the Dorking Film Festival in 2020. Casserly’s film was about someone trying to audition for a role as Rodney Trotter, the lead of a musical version of the British sitcom Only Fools and Horses. In Casserly’s film, the lead actor, Nick Hayles, is said to look like Bruce Campbell, the star of Sam Raimi’s famous cult film Evil Dead. While it’s a decent resemblance, Casserly’s mother said Hayles looked much more like Ronnie O’Sullivan. And, so the germs of the mockumentary Snooker Man were born.

Snooker Man starts on a high note. The opening credits pay tribute to the James Bond movie Skyfall with the fluid graphics, dissolving and reassembling motifs, balletic characters, and super-imposed silhouettes (of a snooker player!). The title song “Snooker Man,” sung by Nekane, also harkens to Adele’s “Skyfall” in musical tone, though hardly in lyrics (“The ladies want him | The gentlemen want to be him | He’s a snooker man”).

But, it’s not too long before you not only realize the film has nothing to do with James Bond, aside from featuring a Daniel Craig impersonator who acts out scenes from Casino Royale, but also that the rest of the movie is not nearly as clever.

The 17th-rated Ronnie O’Sullivan lookalike

First, we are introduced to Johnny Bonarr (Nick Hayles) and his pitiable career starring in terrible movies, such as The Girl With Two Masks; To Kill a Princess; and Chihuahua Man. (Making this even more twisted is these clips are from real movies created by Casserly, who shared in an interview that by inserting these clips, “I kind of made fun of how terrible they were as an apology to the actors who unfortunately had to take part in them!”)

The real Rocket Ronnie O’Sullivan

Johnny made these films with Barry Keane (Stephen Sheridan), an unaccomplished director who unsuccessfully aims to double for British stage thespian Toby Jones. When that fails, Keane launches Prestige Lookalikes, the UK’s lowest-rated lookalike agency, and hires Johnny to double as Ronnie O’Sullivan. He’s the 17th-ranked lookalike, which everyone agrees is pretty pathetic, given he’s impersonating the world’s #1 rated snooker player.

Johnny’s deteriorating career takes an unsuspecting u-turn, when he needs to emulate The Rocket by shooting on a 36” snooker table. His performance, or rather the fact there is a film crew on the premises capturing his cue strokes, enrages the sport’s reigning foul-mouthed champion, Wolfgang, who challenges him to a future match. Soon, there is a new miniature snooker wunderkind making waves, and his name is Snooker Man, a player even capable of running a 147 break in under four minutes.

Now, I’m more than happy to watch a competitive match of a miniaturized sport, especially one that I love as much as billiards. And, miniature sports are not as outlandish as one might think. Fun fact: there are real, professional world championships of miniature golf, miniature soccer (i.e., foosball), table hockey, and Subbuteo table football. And, as the director Casserley notes in an interview, there are also world championships for everything from cup stacking to Rubik’s Cube solving to air guitar playing. So, is miniature snooker really such a stretch?

Notice something missing from that table?

But, match after match after match starts to get downright dull, a far cry from the “nonstop thrill ride of ball potting action” that the WCMS marketing promises. A rogue’s gallery of opponents, including The Ambassador and Hong Kong’s reigning champ Queenie, does little to enliven the atmosphere. And the final match, pitting Snooker Man against Wolfgang, is predictable, unenjoyable, and unforgivable for not even having the right number of balls on the snooker table.

The movie’s post-credits, which include Snooker Man embarrassingly performing his new K-pop single “Baegman Janga (Millionaire J)” that reached 287th in the Korean music charts, only cement the film’s downward creative spiral from its opening credits.

Snooker Man is available to watch on Amazon Prime Video. For a limited time, it is also currently streaming for free on YouTube.

Billiards Movies In Memoriam

Ride the 9

Of all the billiards movies I hoped would get produced, Blake West and Jordan Marder’s Ride the 9 was my favorite. Murmurs and titillations about the movie first started in 2011; by 2014, when I interviewed West and Marder, it seemed like the movie was around the corner. A well-produced teaser video that highlighted the gritty New Orleans set locations, jaw-dropping trick shots courtesy of Florian “Venom” Kohler, and a killer soundtrack, all furthered the excitement. Marder also assured us that while the film is “not about pool, pool is integral to the story…it’s the glue.” Sadly, the team could not secure the necessary funding, and by 2017 the tweets and Facebook posts were done.

The Fisher Queens

Former WPBA touring professional Kim Shaw teamed up with television director Julie Edwards in an attempt to tell the story of Mandy Fisher, Allison Fisher and Kelly Fisher, three unrelated UK snooker champions. According to the marketing, this documentary film would “not only provide a historical record of the rise of women’s professional billiards but will also provide an insight into the minds of three women who have shaped and dominated a sport traditionally viewed as predominantly male.” Unfortunately, an unsuccessful Kickstarter campaign sealed the film’s fate, and on May 1, 2015, it was announced on Facebook the documentary would not get made.

From Hustler to Champion

Seven months after the demise of The Fisher Queens, we also lost Philip Messina’s documentary-to-be, From Hustler to Champion, which promised to profile 20 of the best past and present pool players in the industry. Those “champions” included Shane Van Boening, Earl Strickland, Ewa Laurance, Efren Reyes, Allison Fisher, Karen Corr, and Johnny Archer, to name just a handful. The film would tell the “untold story of the extraordinary men and women who have transcended every obstacle to become legends.” Audiences would “experience these astonishing individuals—artists, wizards, road warriors, clinicians, entertainers and more—whose passion sets them on a path unlike any other in the sports world.” The quest to raise $55,000 on Kickstarter netted just 27% of their goal, though their concept video for the documentary is still available on their funding page.

Bred in Manila

Originally from New York, and now living in the Philippines, Phil Giordano began working on the script for Bred in Manila (originally titled Supot) in 2016. For the next three years, he did “countless hours of research, location scouting, interviews, late night anecdote-filled drinking sessions, script revisions, pitches, meetings, begging, crying, cheering, and overall filmmaking heartache” to tell the story of a female pool player who is trying to escape the world of illegal gambling in back alley pool halls. Years later, in 2022, I stumbled across an online poster for the film and reached out to Giordano. He shared that the film was “his biggest passion project,” but that it lost its funding and he hadn’t been able to find alternative financing. This tale however may have a happy ending. While I cannot yet confirm, Giordano’s current movie, Bilyarista, sounds like it may be a retitled Bred in Manila. The movie is about a girl living in the slums of Manila who “dreams of becoming a billiards World Champion, but when her father is killed, she is manipulated by Itoy, her hustler uncle, into playing in dangerous underground gambling matches in back-alley pool halls.”

The Rematch

Having released the piss-poor snooker film Perfect Break in 2020, director Len Evans embarked on a follow-up entitled The Rematch, with appearances by snooker household names Jimmy White and John Virgo. At one point, the movie had a poster, website, and fundraising campaign; however, all evidence of the film is now gone, and Evans’ profile on IMDB is equally devoid of mention of this former pet project.

Billiards Boy vs Dr. Pool

With its frivolous title and its story about an aspiring pool player named Billiards Boy who attempts to take down the legendary Dr Pool, this short film seemed intent on injecting some playfulness into the billiards film genre. But, in 2020, the film’s co-producer, Jake Hourd, emailed me, explaining it was “a university project, and the writer/director decided he wasn’t going to finish it. He just wasn’t pleased with the outcome of the script and the footage so he scrapped it.”

Billiardo

Not to be confused with the identically-named Palestinian film Billiardo from 2016, the 2017 almost-film Billiardo from director Gabe Rodriguez was intended to be the story of a poor busboy who plays a fateful game of pool that may change his life. But, in 2020, I tracked down the writer/actor Ahmet Devran Dayanc, who cryptically shared with me, “the movie couldn’t be completed because of the director’s action.”

Manitoba Sharks

When I wrote about Amanda Kindzierski in 2016 about her forthcoming documentary, Manitoba Sharks, it was hard not to get inspired. With $20,000 of funding from a pitch contest she had won, Kindzierski was committed to telling the “story of pool in Manitoba through the eyes of Aboriginal proprietors and players who are among the best in the world.” Manitoba Sharks was in post-production at the time of our conversation, so it’s sad the film apparently never found a distributor. Fortunately, as evidenced by her long list of projects on her website, Kindzierski has remained busy.

Potting Black

The Fisher Queens was not only the film influenced by Mandy Fisher, an English former professional snooker player and a World Women’s Snooker Championship winner in 1984. A trio of third year filmmaking students at UWE Bristol also leaned into her story when they attempted to make Potting Black, a short film set in 1976 Britain about Pauline, a female snooker player in a game dominated by men. The director Marley Hamilton wrote, “This story is rich with historical influences and will take the audience on an emotional journey as they see Pauline stand up for herself and make a difference just as Mandy Fisher did.” While the film’s Crowdfunder page indicates it was successful in its fundraising efforts, all traces and mentions of the film disappeared from social media after early 2020.

O Canada, Our Home of Three Billiards Short Films

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No disrespect to Alex Pagulayan, Cliff Thornburn, or “Big Bill” Werbeniuk, but Canada is not often top-of-mind when one thinks about global billiards hot spots. So I always get a bit excited when I stumble across billiards movies from our neighbors to The North.

Granted, there is very little actual billiards across these three Canadian short films – Pool, Face Cachée, and The Billiard Shot – but each nonetheless tips its toque to the sport, and therefore deserves review.

Pool

Director Clayton Holmes makes every second count in his three-minute short film Pool from 2015, which is available to watch on Vimeo. As a countdown clock perilously ticks, our tattooed hero must sink every ball on a glass-topped pool table before it fills up with water and drowns the bikini-clad woman trapped beneath it. This may sound like Ian Fleming spyfare, but credit to Mr. Holmes who avoids any dialogue and uses our hero literally diving into the pool table to time shift and alert us that we’re in fact watching the imaginative mind of a shy tween, who only wants to gather up enough courage to talk to the young girl of his dreams stepping out of the swimming pool.

Mr. Holmes shared with me that he was in VFX school and came up with the idea of a guy diving into a pool table. “It took forever to finish the shot so I figured I would make a short film around it. The visual effects were tricky but the hardest part of all was finding someone with a swimming pool in Vancouver.”

The Billiard Shot

Fast forward three years, and director EJ Levy releases The Billiard Shot at the end of 2018. Filmed in Calgary, Alberta, the three-minute film depicts “a mob boss who sends out a hit on the man who is suspected of killing his brother, and meets his own fate when confronted by the grieving brother of the murdered suspect.”

Shot in black-and-white, with minimal dialogue, and plenty of jarring camera angles and out-of-focus shots, the film stumbles in its attempt to mirror the eerie, melodic desperation of Bessie Smith’s “My Sweetie Went Away” that plays in the background. The billiards balls and break are part of the smoke-filled background, but serve no real purpose in supporting the film’s narrative or mood.

Face Cachée

Rounding out the trinity is Nicolas Lecavalier’s 2024 student film, Face Cachée, produced by O’Sullivan College in Montreal. Translated to “Hidden Faces,” the six-minute film is about a mysterious murder in Colonel Mustard’s basement that forces three friends to discover the killer. The possible suspects include Mademoiselle Scarlett, Professeur Plum, and Madame Pervenche, so you’re right to think it’s an alternate take on the popular board game Clue. The film is available to watch below.

Unfortunately, much like Jonathan Lynn’s 1985 eponymous movie, there’s very little billiards played in the film (and worse, there seems to be two 3-balls on the table), but it’s hard not to appreciate these students having a fun time making this literal whodunit. Personally, my favorite part of the film was the Saul Bass-style animated end sequence credits, with the abstract cut-out figures playing pool as the Shtriker Big Band rewards our ears with the song, “Play, Play, Play.” Smart decisions all around, just like Madame Pervenche’s winning pronouncement.

Mirrors in Triumph

Finally, if you can’t get enough from the Land of Maple Leaf, then buckle up in your Beaumont, and get ready for the feature-length film Mirrors in Triumph. The movie premiered in January 2025 at the Mayfair Theatre in Ottawa, Ontario. It played at some festivals, won some awards, and most likely will be moved to a fully public status on YouTube, according to its writer and director Era Era Films.

The movie’s genesis started a decade ago, when the director, an Ottawa native, spent the latter half of their high school career at The Orange Monkey pool hall. That planted the seed for the movie’s concept, which subsequently turned into a script. On a shoestring budget, filming began in mid-2022 and post-production continued through most of 2023. Described as an “unapologetically Canadian project,” the movie focuses on a billiards fanatic, who struggles to adjust to the ever changing world around him.

Learn more about the film here and watch the trailer below. The director sent me a private link to the film, so I look forward to sharing my review in the near future.

Top 15 Billiards Album Covers

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According to Google Search Console, one of the most common queries that leads people to my blog is billiards songs. Perhaps they’re a fan of the lyrics to Rod Stewart’s “Maggie May,” or fondly remember the video for George Thorogood’s “Bad to the Bone.” Then, I hit them with my Top 10 Billiards Songs and Video list, and it’s a whole another level of billiards music mania.

But, if the lyrics and videos take you down one pool pocket, then the design of the album covers will steer you down a very different one. With the exception of Huey Lewis & the News’ third album, Sports, featuring an innocuous barroom pool table in the bottom left corner of the cover, and consisting of four top-ten hits (e.g., “Heart and Soul,” “Heart of Rock and Roll”), most covers featuring billiards are likely to be unfamiliar. Indeed, most of these bands, which span 14 genres across 11 countries over 50 years, are likely to be unfamiliar. Nonetheless, the portrayal of billiards in pop culture – whether in film, music, art, comics, advertising, or some combination – continues to reveal the richness of the sport and its global appeal. I therefore present my Top 15 Billiards Album Covers. (If you want to really go geek, take a peek at my Billiard Album Covers Pinterest page to see the other 125 that I ruled out.)

Wilson Pickett: Pickett in the Pocket

Funk/soul/R&B singer and songwriter Wilson Pickett was a prolific music man with more than 50 songs that made the R&B charts. Pickett in the Pocket, his 1974 release for RCA, doesn’t feature any of his famous standards, such as “In the Midnight Hour” or “Funky Broadway,” though the album’s lesser-known “Take Your Pleasure Where You Find It” is considered a mammoth funk hit. But, the album cover reeks of cool, from the alliterative, pool-themed album name, to the photo of Pickett, wearing a satin red tailored, single-breasted jacket, while he patiently waits his turn at the table, with two fine ladies adorning each side of him. Perhaps, he’s so relaxed because he has a two ball lead with solids? Or, as the back cover suggests, maybe it’s because he’ll be giving one-on-one lessons to one of the women after the game.

Benny Holst / Jytte Pilloni / Katrine Jensenius / Delta Blues Band: Så Længe Mit Hjerte Slår (En Nat Med John Mogensen)

Yeah, that’s a mouthful. This 1985 rock-and-blues release from Denmark features studio recordings from the cabaret “Så længe mit hjerte slår.” For the life of me, I can’t figure out the band or album’s connection to billiards, or why the blonde feels compelled to sit on the table. Nonetheless, this cover makes the cut because of its focus on Keglebillard med huller (or Skittle Pool). In this billiards variant, players score points by knocking over the pins or by sinking balls in pockets according to local rules. And if pin billiards is now your jam, check out the Italian billiards film Io, Chiara e lo Scuro (The Pool Hustlers) that includes the nine-pin game goriziana at its center.

Novo Fasili: Tvoje I Moje Godine

For 30 years, the Croatian pop group Novo Fasili has been getting fans to shake their hips with their music style that combines ballad, Schlager, and Europop. By the 1980s, they were the most popular band to emerge from the former Yugoslavia. Like the previous album cover, the Tvoje I Moje Godine LP features band members sitting on the billiards table, but I can overlook such stupidity given the clever use of the billiards balls to spell the band’s initials “NF,” a lexical feat not captured on any other album cover I reviewed. Now the only question is how did the table wind up with 23 billiards balls?

Bennewitz Quartet: Haydn, Mozart, Dittersdorf & Vanhal: An Evening in Vienna 1784

While it’s hardly visually interesting, the album cover for the Bennewitz Quartet’s tribute to the “Viennese Classical” circle of composers remains noteworthy for several reasons. First, it’s the only classical music LP cover I discovered that features billiards. Second, it’s one of the few album covers that focuses on carom billiards (with its pocketless table); another that didn’t make the list is the cover to the 1989 album Hotel Štístko Blues from the Czech blues band ASPM. Finally, it’s a tip of the cue stick to Mozart, who unlike the other three composers, was a noted billiards aficionado who played the sport regularly and even owned a billiards table in his apartment in Vienna.

11. Feed Me: High Street Creeps

In the world of Electronic Dance Music (EDM), visual branding is very powerful. Think of Deadmau5’s mouse head or Marshmello’s giant white marshmallow helmet. Feed Me (aka Jonathan Gooch) is no exception. The former graphic designer created his trademark green monster as his visual embodiment. Now, what’s a bit harder to explain is why this green monster is playing a game of snooker with Gooch on the cover of his 2019 release High Street Creeps. Gooch has said in interviews that he grew up in England surrounded by pub culture, where snooker is commonplace, but I’m pretty sure the rule of one foot on the ground still applies. Sorry, Green Monster.

Dolla Bill: “Old Schoolin’” |. Nightblaze: “State of Grace”

Billiards and sex have been bed partners for a long time. (See my blog post, “Rated B for Billiards: Top 10 Billiards Bedroom Scenes.”) So, it’s hardly surprising that sex, or at least hot women, would feature prominently on some covers. Tying for 10th place are two EP covers that have little in common other than the lovelies at the tables. In 2018, the North Carolina rapper Dolla Bill released his single “Old Schoolin’” with its fat bass pulse, flashes of electric piano…and a corseted woman lying prone on a billiard table while her stiletto heel naughtily lifts up the back of her dress. Fast forward to just a few weeks ago, and the Italian melodic rock band Nightblaze released “State of Grace,” the first single from their upcoming new album. Supposedly it’s a reimagining of their signature sound, but I’m still a bit bedazzled by the buxom beauty in the barroom who probably holds a pool cue as well as she holds that smoking semi-automatic.

The Intellectuals: Half-A-Live

The Intellectuals are a garage punk/rock band from Denmark who adopted a vintage pulp aesthetic for their 1986 album Half-A-Live. The LP cover leans into retro cartoon imagery popular with the punk genre (e.g., The Cramps, Crypt Records). In this case, the cover features a sailor and a roughneck playing carom billiards, while a bartender looks on. Absurdity abounds, from the juxtaposition of the band’s name with the cartoon characters, to the surreal, distorted table that sends the balls flying. That table would probably fit well in this collection of Top 7 Billiards Tables Not For Sale.

Victor Fantastic Orchestra: Off Vocal Selection Shinji Tanimura / Takao Horiuchi Works

If you’re a fan of J-Pop, you may sway to the Victor Fantastic Orchestra, a Japanese instrumental ensemble that plays orchestral renditions of classic J-Pop songs. But, you don’t have to love the genre to groove to the great cover of their 1986 album, Off Vocal Selection. Incorporating bold shapes and lines and a palette that riffs on the color of traditional pool table cloth, the album cover is positively retro-futuristic. This is what it means for pool to be hipster cool. It’s what Tubbs and Crockett would look like playing billiards in an episode of the spinoff Tokyo Vice.

Brainstory: Sounds Good. |. Rez Doggz: Underdoggz

Animals playing pool is nothing new. Think of the Mr. Ed episode, “Ed the Pool Player.” Or, my blog post, “Welcome to the Billiards Zoo.” But, canine-headed humanoids? That’s a first. Except when it comes to album covers, where cynocephali are apparently not so unique. Brainstory, the psychedelic soul trio from Los Angeles, released Sounds Good in 2024. Even with the red cloth pool table, the album cover’s bar room is unmemorable, except, lo and behold, there are three pool playing patrons with dog heads. That idea may be as crazy as a rabid Rottweiler, yet six years earlier, Rez Doggz, a group of Mi’kmaq Hip-Hop artists from the First Nation reserve of Gesgapegiag, released their album Underdoggz, which similarly featured a pack of weredogs shooting stick and having a grand old time at the local watering hole.

Nationaleatern: Rockormen

Recorded during a series of live performances in 1978 from the Swedish progressive rock band Nationleatern, Rockormen, which translates to “The Rock Snake,” features on the cover a billiards table with some surreal serpentine spectators and an arrangement of billiards balls with faces on them. It feels ghastly and uncomfortable. The faces may be based on real political targets, much as the band’s music often had political themes. (A similar use of representing political figures as billiards balls first appeared in a 1942 war poster, and then again on the 2013 magazine cover of India Today – Tamil. See the award Best Political Use of Imagery on a Magazine Cover.)

Zekk: “Platinum Gacha”

The future is 9-ball, at least for the twenty-something South Korean EDM DJ, Zekk, who made it the focus of the cover to his 2019 single, “Platinum Gacha.” The anime illustration, foregrounding a spectacularly-fonted 9-ball, suggests a dystopia, where guards with robotic, stormtrooper-like heads act as billiards match overseers and hover dangerously close to the players. It’s not quite the futuristic billiards world Lex Marinos visualized in Hard Knuckle, though the player looks like she’d be comfortable in Bai Xinyu’s 2019 ultramodern billiards drama Metal Billiards.

Jamie J. Marquez: Moon Striker | Eloy: Performance

Space is the place, at least according to Spanish guitarist Jamie J. Marquez and German prog rockers Eloy. On the cover of his 2014 solo album Moon Striker, Marquez takes us on an extraterrestrial journey, where a three-eyed alien, with nice form and a solid bridge, takes aim at the Earth (ball) in an interstellar game of carom billiards. Back in the Milky Way (maybe?), Eloy’s 1983 album Performance shows on the cover a human in a spacesuit playing billiards with glow-in-the-dark cue sticks and balls stamped with mathematical symbols. There hasn’t been this much planetary pool since Paul McCartney and the Wings went astro-minimal on the cover of their 1975 album, Venus and Mars.

Butaotome: Billiards

Across the top of the cover, in bold katakana, is written a title that translates to “Billiards.” Of course, Butaotome’s 2017 album was going to secure a top spot on this list. The band, a product of the country’s independently produced doujin music scene, embraces the visuality of billiards, even if there’s no direct linkage to the music or musicians. Floating billiard balls surround a woman in a red kimono descending from an escalator. The bright colors evoke Japanese ‘60s pop art, though there is also an anime influence. The modern setting, perhaps a shopping mall, also feels surreal, as the linearity of the mechanical escalator intersects with the randomness of the weightless balls.

Richard Elliot: Ricochet

Smooth jazz makes my skin crawl, but I’m happy to give saxophonist Richard Elliot a second listen, simply because of the cover for his 2003 album Ricochet. The illustration shows a vibrant group of people gathered around pool tables to play or watch. The picture is crawling with motion and energy. While Hollis King is credited as the art director for the album, the actual illustrator is unidentified. But, looking at the stylized figures, with their elongated limbs, I’d bet my Olhausen that the artist was heavily influenced by Ernie Barnes, the iconic artist who is most famous for his painting “Sugar Shack,” which was the backdrop for the credits of the sitcom Good Times. Barnes was enamored with billiards; in fact, he did a whole series of paintings that occurred in pool halls, such as Main Street Pool Hall and Pool Player. I’m sure he would have loved Ricochet, too.

Black Label Society: Shot to Hell

Zakk Wylde, the long-time guitarist for Ozzy Osbourne, formed his band Black Label Society in 1998. On the cover of their seventh studio album, Shot to Hell (2006), they dabbled with paged imagery, as many heavy metal bands tend to do, but this time with light-hearted humor. The cover features a trio of nuns playing billiards. The first is focused intently on her shot, aiming the cueball at an eightball emblazoned with a skull on it; the other two are wistfully praying, perhaps to the Good Lord of the Baize. It’s sacrilege, of course, but with the nun’s upturned grin and the vibrant halo of colors surrounding the monastic trinity, I’m inclined to think this shot is going in. By the way, if sisters shooting stick is your salvation, then watch the “Armando and the Pool Table” episode of The Flying Nun, or purchase The Original 2021 Nuns Having Fun wall calendar.

******

So, there’s my list. I’m sure I made some enemies with my omissions. I had to say no to some intimidating folks (e.g., Shandy, “Bish Bosh Bash”)…and to some not-so-intimidating folks (e.g., Elizabeth Barraclough, Hi). That’s the nature of the job. What would you have included on your list? Most important, the next time you’re shopping for albums – wait, does anyone shop for albums? – keep your eyes open for similar great Billiards Album Covers.

Night To Be Gone

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Tell me if this sounds familiar:

A guy walks into a pool hall, plays some games for money, and promptly loses. With a little luck, he wins on an “impossible” shot and then doubles his earnings by again making the same impossible shot. Feeling cocksure, he seeks out the best known player in town for a much bigger pot. He goes on a roll, winning multiple games, but then gets psychologically battered and ultimately loses everything. Determined to regain his stature, he tries to make some quick buck hustling. It goes well for a while, until he hustles the wrong person and gets his arms fractured. A woman rehabilitates him, loves him, and helps him regain his confidence. He returns to finally beat the best known player, but his victory comes with a very painful price.

Of course, I’m summarizing The Hustler. Except I’m not. (Perhaps, the fractured arms rather than broken thumbs was the giveaway). I’m actually describing Night To Be Gone, an English-language billiards movie from Loren David Marsh that first released in Germany in January 2024, and is now available to watch on Amazon Prime.

Night To Be Gone is the story of Omer (Alpha Omer Cissé), a young West African refugee with a difficult family history, and Carine (Sylvaine Faligant), a recovering heroin addict from Marseille. They are itinerant grifters who both bring a lot of metaphoric baggage to the baize. Pool hustling is a path to fast cash. They arrive in Berlin so they can ultimately challenge The Sultan, a notorious and mysterious pool hustler to an all-night showdown of 10-ball with a minimum pot of 10,000 Euros. Each game is 1,000 Euros, and the match is not over until the money runs out or both players decide to quit. Not surprisingly, they get hustled by The Sultan, who preys on their egos and erodes their cool veneer with racist and suggestive taunts. They lose all their money, forcing them to re-evaluate their get-rich-quick plans and ultimately their relationship with one another.

Let me start with the favorable, as there are a handful of elements in Night To be Gone that are impressive – and distinct from The Hustler. The boldest and most interesting decision is that Omer is a dark-skinned, outsider from West Africa. He is an alien, a cypher to everyone he meets. But, this allows Omer to engage in some very intentional social engineering. Pool hustling is already a form of psychological manipulation. Omer compounds it by assuming racial identities that further this psychological influence. (This is both ironic and interesting, given the Sultan’s “African Prince” jeers contributed to Omer’s initial unraveling.) Among the conservative Bavarian businessmen, Omer is a welfare recipient. Playing against the liberals, he is a poor African whose village burned down. He is a drug dealer in one game, a bebopping hipster in another. Ever the racial chameleon, Omer engages people in underestimating him, which becomes their weakness, at least until it backfires on Omer when two Bauerntrampel don’t appreciate being hustled.

Night To Be Gone is also a beautifully shot film. With its atmospheric black-and-white photography by Vlad Margulis and Florian Wurzer, and its eerie electronic scoring by Paul Brody, the film evokes a noirish 1940s aesthetic. Further contributing to this style is the movie’s pacing, selection of settings, and unsettling camera techniques. It works especially well for the filming of the billiards shots. Nothing feels rushed or manic; the shots are not contrived. It’s a game played for an audience of no one.

Unfortunately, these positives get overshadowed by billiards movie déjà vu, that gnawing sense we’ve seen this exact movie before. Night To Be Gone doesn’t feel like a tribute to The Hustler, certainly not the way the recently-reviewed Mr Doom felt like an ode to The Color of Money. Rather, Night To be Gone feels like it’s trying to be The Hustler. As such, there is no suspense, no uncertainty, no question what will happen or how it will end.

Arguably, Night To Be Gone is better classified as a remake of The Hustler. The British director Mark Murphy says, “a successful remake requires a delicate balance. It must simultaneously respect the original, bring something new to the table and feature effective casting. When these elements coalesce, the end product is a film that pays tribute to its predecessor while confidently standing on its own.”

In this case, the “something new” is race – not just the casting of Omer, but the use of race as it pertains to hustling. Such terrain has been covered in other con artist/hustling movies – e.g., White Men Can’t Jump; Six Degrees of Separation; The Distinguished Gentleman – but never in billiards.

This feels like an accurate take on Night To Be Gone, except the director Marsh disputed it, claiming The Hustler is “an inspiration,” nothing more. If it’s not a remake, why does it feel like one? If it is a remake, why not lean into it?

Ultimately, it probably doesn’t matter. This cinematic conjecture is the milieu of film critics who can work themselves into a tizzy parsing meaning and pontificating to an audience of no one, when the real question is whether the film is entertaining. And, on that topic, Night To Be Gone holds its own.

Mr Doom: Behind the 8 Ball

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Every pool hustling movie lives in the shadow of The Hustler and its sequel The Color of Money, the modern apotheosis of the genre, which is ironic given the film was released almost 40 years ago. Most of these films are cinematic wannabes, kowtowing to TCOM without much originality or innovation.

Certainly, that was the reaction within the billiardsphere earlier this month when it was announced that Robert DeNiro and Jenna Ortega would star in Shutout, a forthcoming movie about a seasoned hustler guiding a talented young player in the world of high-stakes pool. To quote Billiards_Watch from the AZ Billiards Forum, “That’s the most played out script and looks to be another Hollywood recycle…This is The Color of Money remade except it’s rebranded with another title.”

So, director Leif Johnson is walking the plank a bit with his new billiards movie, Mr Doom: Behind the 8 Ball. Released on Amazon this past March, Mr Doom doesn’t try to hide its lineage; on the contrary, the film embraces it, starting with the title, which is an overt reference to the name of Vince’s Balabushka cue in TCOM. The film’s marketing is even more explicit, referring to Mr Doom as “reimagining The Color of Money in a small-town setting.”

While the idolatry is on full display, Mr Doom ultimately carves out original ground and a touching story about the unlikely friendship between the film’s two main characters, Charlie and Jack, that both harkens to the relationship between Fast Eddie and Vince and still feels distinctly different.

Charlie (Danny Parsons) is the Fast Eddie of this pairing. Emitting a smoothness somewhere between Jason Statham and Idris Elba, Charlie is a seasoned hustler, who sees an opportunity to score big if he can tame Jack (Danny Sutcliffe), a self-destructive sot who is surprisingly adept with a cue stick. Jack is the movie’s Vince, except he looks like a Northern English Wavy Gravy; a hippie version of “Bobby Elvis” Munson from Sons of Anarchy; a drunken mix of Captain Lou Albano and The Dude from The Big Lebowski. Except the megawatt smile and the arm candy named Carmen have been replaced with a rats nest of a food-caked beard and a front-seat handjob from a hooker.

Initially, Charlie and Jack seem like they’re from different worlds. Disgusted by Jack’s boorishness and vulgarity, Charlie hustles him, taking advantage of Jack’s inebriation while pretending to also drink. (There is also a drunken spinoff of Vince’s “Werewolves of London” chest-thumping scene from TCOM.) Having humiliated Jack, Charlie then attempts to harness him, putting him in his debt while teaching him how to hustle pool. Echoes of TCOM abound.

But, the movie turns an emotional corner as we realize beneath Charlie’s cool exterior is his own wreckage of ruined relationships; similarly, behind Jack’s ogrish veneer are pockets of warmth and loyalty to something other than a vodka bottle. As their two backstories collide into one another, a fragile tie starts to unite them and ultimately cements itself in a final 9-ball match against a former partner of Charlie’s.

Interspersed throughout Mr Doom is a hefty dose of blackball (English 8-ball) and 9-ball, which is interesting, given the tendency of most British billiards films to focus exclusively on snooker. (Perhaps, a bit more puzzling is the decision to film with a spotted cue ball.) While the games aren’t novel, the filming of the games is fast-paced and dynamic, a style intended to emulate that of Edgar Wright, according to Mr. Johnson.

I’d be challenged to call Mr Doom groundbreaking or even a great movie. But, for those that enjoy entertaining characters, a well-crafted story, and a fresh take on a familiar film, then Mr Doom is worth the watch.

ChuckleVision – “Big Break”

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I’ll give the viscount credit. He’s got a lot of patience.

Consider: mud is tracked all over his Persian rug; his early Bronze Age sculpture gets broken; his Carrara marble cherub statue is stolen then damaged; the foundation of his mansion partially collapses; his Rembrandt painting is used as a serving tray; and he is deluded into thinking his pet fish was fried and served for lunch.

But, all of that pales into comparison to the real horror committed by Barry and Paul Chuckle, the two brothers who have been contracted to install the viscount’s new snooker table .

That’s the premise of the “Big Break” episode of ChuckleVision, a British children’s comedy series that ran for 292 episodes from 1987 to 2009. It starred real-life brothers, Barry and Paul Elliott, as the Chuckle brothers, a pair of endearing half-wits who often get into laughable trouble due to Paul’s oversized confidence and Barry’s attempts to clean up his mess. “Big Break,” presumably named after the popular Big Break snooker game show, aired in 2007.(1) The full episode is available to watch here.

For children watching this episode, there are some obvious lessons. Don’t serve food on a Rembrandt. Don’t serve food from Barney’s Chippy to “a bunch of posh people.” But, the snooker care lessons may be a little more obfuscated, so let’s dig in.

For starters, you really don’t need to worry about two dunderheads absconding with your snooker table. It’s just too heavy. Given the viscount’s social standing, he presumably ordered the installation of a full-size 12’x6’ snooker table. Even if the Chuckle brothers mistakenly built it on the patio rather than in the basement, they could never undo the mistake by moving it by themselves, as it weighs approximately 2,755 pounds.

Now, admittedly, the table does look rather small, so perhaps the viscount cheaped out and bought a six- or seven-foot table. Even at that size, the table would weigh 375-450 pounds, much too much for Paul and his pipsqueak brother to carry.

Even if one could move a fully assembled snooker table, never try to move it down stairs without taking it apart. Barry surfaces unharmed when the table he’s carrying down the stairs falls. But, in practice, even a small table would have a gravitational acceleration of 9.8 m/s² (assuming a 10-foot vertical drop), which would release 6000 joules of energy – the equivalent of a severe car accident or a significant blunt trauma event.

But, somehow the Chuckle brothers do get the fully installed table into the basement, only to put it in a room with insufficient space around the table to properly set up shots. At a minimum, this table requires a 15’x12’ sized room; instead the table is stuck in a tight storage room. It’s no wonder Paul damages the walls attempting to pot a ball.

The large hole in the wall introduces a new problem, which is compounded by the mansion’s collapsing foundation. The table is now exposed to outside temperatures. But, indoor tables, made of hardwoods, felt, and other delicate materials that are prone to damage, require a controlled indoor environment with a constant temperature and low humidity levels. No one is playing world professional snooker on this table. It doesn’t require a 21 degree Celsius playing surface, but surely greater temperature control is necessary.

Finally, wherever you install your table, don’t put it directly under a fish tank. Water can cause stains, warping and, worse, mildew. Even our lamebrain contractors know that, as it’s only when the tank’s water starts pouring out of the ceiling onto the table does Barry suggest to the viscount an alternative to playing snooker: “How about some pool?”

*****

“Big Break” was not the first ChuckleVision episode to reference snooker. As early as the season one (1987) “Sport” episode, the brothers were reporting on the sport.

Whole Lotta Hustle

MADtv – “The Hustler” (1999)

Never able to fully compete with Saturday Night Live, the sketch comedy show MADtv nonetheless developed a cult following for its lowbrow humor and hot takes on celebrity culture. During the show’s fourth season, comic big man Will Sasso donned the pinstripes and assumed the Minnesota Fats role in the four-minute “The Hustler” sketch.

Essentially, a fat man walks into a pool hall and attempts to convince a local patron that he’s no hustler, just “passing the hours playing the game I love.” He offers to play a game for $5, and he loses. For $20, he loses again. The gag is that he keeps upping the amount and losing, eventually paying out one million dollars. But, when it’s time to complete the hustle and rein in his patsy, his opponent leaves with all the cash. It’s a cute concept, but the predictable joke falls flat quickly. For a far funnier take on The Hustler, watch The New Show with its identically named sketch, “The Hustler.”

Malcom & Eddie – “Do the K.C. Hustle” (1996)

During the 1990s renaissance of black sitcoms, Malcolm & Eddie may not have made anyone’s top five list. Nonetheless, there was far worse watching than this UPN series which paired the responsible and cocksure Malcolm (Malcolm Jamal-Warner, following up his wild success on The Cosby Show) with the fast-talking and frenetic Eddie (Eddie Griffin), who together open a sports bar called McGee’s.

The “Do the K.C. Hustle” episode focuses on a billiards rematch between Malcolm and his old college friend Preston Alexander, now a self-assured millionaire. Preston pokes Malcolm’s ego, getting him to wager $5,000 on a game; only after the deal is sealed does Preston perform some incredible pool shots and Maclom realizes he’s been hustled.

The episode veers in some strange directions involving lingerie and an oversized masseuse, but it’s the wonderful cameo of Richard Pryor as Coach Uncle Bucky that saves the day. Appearing on a power-operated mobility scooter due to his multiple sclerosis, Pryor’s voice is shaky, but his comedic delivery remains spot-on. Though Pryor doesn’t pick up the cue, he doles out good enough advice that Malcolm has the confidence to (1) play without wearing women’s underwear (!!); and (2) make a beautiful multi-ball, multi-rail trick shot to end the game and win the $5,000.

Special kudos to Chef Anton, the episode’s billiards technical advisor, who became the first two-time United States Trick Shot Champion of Pool.

Out of the Blue – “The Hustler” (1979)

With only eight total episodes airing, Out of the Blue is a sitcom trainwreck. The deeply unfunny series starred Jimmy Brogan as Random, an angel-in-training who is assigned to live with (and act as guardian angel for) a suburban Chicago family. (How anyone thought this premise could be humorous is mystifying, but then again, Touched by an Angel ran for almost a decade.)

In “The Hustler,” the Richards family needs to come up with an extra $20 to buy their aunt a sweater. Older son Chris thinks he can make it playing pool, but is quickly hustled. Random cringingly explains, “He let you win a few times. That’s how a hustler sets you up. You’re known as a pigeon. You flew right into his coop.” Lesson learned, Random then gives the hustler a taste of his own medicine, performing the famous six ball butterfly trick shot and quipping, “You’ve heard of Minnesota Fats? They call me Pearly Gates Slim.” (For a more original and funnier permutation of billiards legend Minnesota Fats’ name, watch the Aurora Skittle Pool commercial (1970), featuring comedian Don Adams as “Wisconsin Skinny.”)

I might be more forgiving of this dreck were it not for the deplorable lack of billiards realism. In the first game, Chris’ opponent calls the ball in the corner pocket and then hits it into the side. The cue ball then magically moves to a different part of the table and many of the balls formerly on the table are now mysteriously pocketed. The second game is even worse, as the butterfly shot clears the table, though only six balls went in. The full episode is available to watch below.

Small Time Hustle (2011)

Some time between 1961 and 2011, “hustle” must have become so vulgarized as to have lost its meaning, or else I’m not understanding Rian Lehman’s short film, Small Time Hustle. This wearying film features a couple of small town locals playing pool, sometimes winning money and sometimes losing money. Everyone looks bored, the pool playing is repetitive (as is the music), and there’s no hustle, just a cashier who proves to be a better shot than his opponents. The saving grace is a colorful final 9-ball shot in which the eight ball is first pocketed, and then the ball’s backspin pockets the 9-ball in the opposite side pocket.

Takes Two to Hustle (2014)

Johnny Bastoni and Ace Maserati are respectively the billiards hotshot wildman and his protective gorilla sidekick, who make money hustling pool and earning street cred. In fact, they’re such local legends that one fan is seeking to make a documentary about them. At least, that’s the premise of Alberto D’Onofrio’s Canadian short film Takes Two to Hustle.

Except, in mere minutes, all plausibility is thrown out the window. The only hustle we see Ace make is winning $100 and proclaiming “this is the life!” As for the “crazy motherfucker Bastoni who is scared of nothing and can shred you to pieces,” he comes across as intimidating as a middle school science teacher. The urban folklore seems a far cry from the pathetic reality of these two “heroes of the street.” Remind me why anyone would want to watch a documentary about them?

The Hustler (2013)

Catalan screenwriter David Bertran made waves in 2017 with his short film Coming to Terms that won 45 Awards and was officially selected in 103 film festivals. His first short film, The Hustler is far less well-known, and unfortunately seems unavailable to locate or watch. According to IMDB, the movie is about when “a real estate millionaire, his trophy wife and a hustler engage in a game of pool, things do not always go according to the plan.” If you have any information about this movie or the whereabouts of the people involved in its creation, please contact me directly.

The Real Hustler (2017)

Even less is known about Felipe Lopez’ short film The Real Hustler, which promises, “Pool is a hustlers’ game. One can be the hustler, but someone has to be the mark.” If you have any information about this movie or the whereabouts of the people involved in its creation, please contact me directly.

The Hustle (TBD)

Lest you conclude the hustler’s heyday has run its course, there was a casting call eight months ago in Houston, Texas for The Hustle, a short film that “follows the story of Jake, a confident, seasoned pool hustler who believes he’s unbeatable. One night, he struts into a pool hall, exuding confidence and charm, and quickly hustles a couple of overconfident guys. However, his night takes an unexpected turn when he meets Rebecca, a seemingly casual player who is more than meets the eye.”

And, just in case you’re not convinced that the billiards hustler has become as ubiquitous in pop culture as the criminal mastermind, the charming outlaw, and the ice queen, I leave you with the trailer for Custer Hustler, a pool movie that was never actually made.

Break (2024)

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After watching Break, Will Wernick’s tedious and hackneyed film that released earlier this year, I asked ChatGPT to create the most cliched billiards movie possible. The similarities to Break were striking, but not surprising.

Break follows the story of Eli King, a twenty-something from Southfield, Michigan, who balances multiple jobs while caring for his family. His life takes a dramatic turn after a game of 8-ball with a local frat boy turns violent. He is suddenly thrust into Detroit’s billiards underbelly, where shady characters and doting old-timers spend their days and nights at the Loving Touch Pocket Billiards hall. There, he discovers his runaway father’s legacy as a pool legend. He embarks on a transformative journey, which will encompass highs and lows, love and violence, and, of course, the ultimate, winner-takes-all match of 9-ball against evil Jimmy, the man responsible for forcing his father to leave town.

ChatGPT pitched me the (fake) movie Cue of Destiny. “Small-town prodigy Jake Daniels reluctantly enters the high-stakes world of underground billiards to escape his dead-end life, guided by his estranged father, a disgraced pool hustler. Facing colorful rivals and his own insecurities, Jake must overcome impossible odds to take on Vincent “Viper” Kane, the man who destroyed his father’s career. With a heart-stopping final shot, Jake redeems his family’s name, wins the championship, and forges his own path as a legend in the making.”

Aside from the fact that Cue of Destiny is at least an original title, as opposed to Break, which may have cribbed its title from Sam Elkins’ superior billiards movie Break (2020), the two movies read like cinematic kissing cousins. Their shared DNA consists of every recycled billiards trope, two-dimensional character, and watered-down plot idea imaginable.

Taking the comparison a step further, I asked ChatGPT for some sample dialogue from Cue of Destiny. The billiards screenwriter in the ether replied,”Pool ain’t just about sinking balls, kid. It’s about controlling the table. Same as life—if you don’t own the table, someone else will own you.”

As for Break, the three-person writing team scripted a similarly clichéd zinger, “Learn how to play the game or the game will play you…Keep your life clean, the game will work out.”

The shame is if you remove the derivative dialogue, the cardboard characters, and the atrocious acting from the lead (Darren Weiss, who is also the executive producer), you’re left with a film that genuinely seems to enjoy billiards, or at least, the filming of billiards.

A variety of camera angles and filming techniques were used to capture the motion of the balls and the beauty of pocketing shots. There are some great bank shots, some well-crafted shot sequences, and a particularly sweet double bank shot with just the right amount of English.

We know director Will Wernick likes billiards, or at least terrorizing people in upside down pool halls, as evidenced in his 2017 horror flick Escape Room. But, more likely, credit goes to cinematographer Akis Konstantakopoulos and editor Daniel Gibb, as well as billiards coaches (and presumably technical advisors) Steve Sherman and Spencer Ladin. (According to an interview with Weiss, Ladin also spent about three hours a day, three days a week for three months teaching Weiss how to shoot billiards.) Sportsman Family Billiards in Englewood, Los Angeles, also proved a great locale as the venue standing-in for Loving Touch Pocket Billiards.

Other callouts go to actress Braedyn Burner, who makes the most of her flimsy character Millie, the overnight love interest of Eli, and veteran actor Jeff Kober, who plays evil Jimmy. Kober is an Emmy-winning actor (General Hospital), who played a number of unredeemable and far more memorable characters in shows such as Sons of Anarchy, The Walking Dead, and Out of Bounds. He’s the C-list headliner for Break, much like Rutger Hauer was the marquis (and more recognizable) name that helped the other Break (2020) stand out from the billiards pack.

Unfortunately, neither a few good actors, nor an affinity for billiards, can save this otherwise miserable movie from the billiards trash-heap. To quote ChatGPT one more time, “I guess some tables just aren’t meant to be won.” The same is true for billiards movies.

Break is available to stream on Amazon Prime. You can watch the trailer below.

Breaking the Cue

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Break Shot: Rise Again

For My Son: The Final Break

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MADtv – “The Hustler” (1999)

Malcom & Eddie – “Do the K.C. Hustle” (1996)

Out of the Blue – “The Hustler” (1979)

Small Time Hustle (2011)

Takes Two to Hustle (2014)

The Hustler (2013)

The Real Hustler (2017)

The Hustle (TBD)

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